I bury my face into my pillow. The cold fabric feels good against my hot face. No more tears, no more tears, no more tears. I remind myself. “No more tears.” I say, attempting to choke back the ever-growing lump in the back of my throat. I sit up and wipe my eyes with the back of my hands, smearing what little eyeliner is left down my cheeks. I look around my messy room. I have always been a neat freak so this mess should bother me. But today it doesn't. Nothing has bothered me the past two weeks. Nothing except the fact you haven't called. But that's right, I remind myself. You're not going to call. Not anymore. A tear slips out. I wipe it away.

***
(Three weeks earlier)
--Good morning sweetheart! <3

-Hey babe! I miss you! And I got to see you yesterday! Lol (:
--Haha I miss you too babes. But I had soo much fun yesterday <3

-Hehe me too. Thank you!
--Thank YOU! Lol. Your the one that canceled on the girls for me! <3

-You know I would cancel on anyone for you (:
--No you wouldn't! You wouldn't cancel on Taylor Swift for me! <3 :)

-Oh shuttup! That's totally unfair! You know she's my favorite!
--Yea :) which is why you wouldn't cancel on her for me!

-Fine! Lol you win (: I love you! <333
--I love you too babe. So much :) You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. <3

-Same to you! I can't imagine life without you. I would seriously not make it.
--I don't think I could ether, hunny. But don't you worry, I'm always going to be here for you. Like I said 'I will never let you fall, I'll stand up with you forever, I'll be there for you through it all, Even if saving you sends me to Heaven.' <3

-(: awww baby! Your makin me cry <3 Your so sweet!
–:) Hey, I gotta go. Were headin out to work now. I'll tty later tonight, okay sweetie? <3

-Mmkay, babes. Sounds good. I love you! Ttys! <3
–:* Muah! Many kisses. Love you too. <3
***

(Four months earlier)
“Where were you, Alli?”

“Oh my God, Blake! I told you I was going to Katie's party! I told you there would be guys there! Why do you have to act like I did something wrong!”
“Because! You were at a party with a bunch of dudes! Guys are stupid! They all think the same! They all want you! I'm sure they were all over you!”

“Okay, yeah they were flirting, but don't you trust me enough to know I didn't flirt back? Of course I told them to stop! Of course I didn't let them! You know I love you!”
“Yeah, whatever Alli.”

“Don't yeah, whatever, me.”
“All right, well, I gotta go. I'm goin to Cheryl's with the boys tonight. I need to shower.”

“Okay. But seriously, I didn't do anything...I would never do anything to hurt you. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know. I'll talk to you later tonight. Love ya.”

“I love you too.”
***

(One year seven months earlier)
“Hey. I'm Alli. You're Blake I assume. Brown curly hair, 5' 11. You fit the description.”

“Yep. It's nice to meet you! You're exactly how I pictured you.”
“Really? Cus' your way different than I imagined!”

He laughs. “In a good way I hope!”
“Absolutely! I love your Aviators, but let me see your eyes!”

He takes off his glasses and I see the prettiest pale blue eyes ever.
“Wow. Your eyes are so pretty.”

“Thanks, yours are too. Want to go down to Pizza Hut and get some dinner? I'll drive!”
“Yeah! Sounds great! I'm starving!”
***


I lay my head back down on my pillow and stare at the ceiling. The lump in my throat is bigger now; my eyes are filled with tears. My phone vibrates softly in my pocket. Please be you. I pull it out and stare at the screen. 'Katie' ---ignore. I start to cry. No more tears, no more tears, no more tears. Your voice echos through my head. You left me. You LEFT me. You're gone now. Why? The radio playing softly by my bedside catches my attention. It is our song. Red Jumpsuit Apparatus- Your Guardian Angle. I turn the radio up as the chorus plays. I will never let you fall. I'll stand up with you forever. I'll be there for you through it all. Even if saving you sends me to Heaven... I cry.


….no more tears....