Dear past me, 

The me that is probably struggling with many little things. 

If I could ask one thing. Why did you cry? It's not your fault he or anyone else did it and I promise it gets better a long way from now. Still, it does approximately on May 2nd, 2024, the day you sent him the last message that I hope will ever be sent, the day you removed his name from your autocorrect and today May 9th,2024 the day im writing this about all the things I wish I knew. I can not express the importance of letting go. He may seem like he cares but he doesn't he plays you as if it's a game. You will spam him and he will respond but then on March 22nd this year he won't respond yet you keep trying. I should have stopped and realized that you can’t make someone want you and most importantly you can't make them care, You may think he is busy but he most definitely isn't busy for a little less than 3 months. You will try to find him on the internet but will find nothing except that he has blocked you on platforms. You will come to find out that your so-called friend Ani is still trying to get him to talk to her too and that she never really talks to you. You will find out that you are going to be bullied for what you wear at school and get weird looks in public places but thats ok. You go to Colorguard but can't try out due to a hurt arm so you never get in. You also join a new friend group thats not toxic and that also hates your soon-to-be ex-best friend. April of 2024 you find out what kind of person you are and what things you like. You also do not pretend to be something you are not, your favorite color is black not necessarily red and black and you get back into painting. You quit your job because of your low grades and dont stay in contact with your coworker Jay whom you became friends with when u joined the Redracks crew. You end up becoming obsessed with dying your hair fun colors and piercings and love hot topics as well as earthbound. Also, you going to stay buying pink room decor just to realize 2 days later that you never liked pink and you finally moved upstairs just to move downstairs again for more space. You hate having to work but love the money. When you quit you're glad you get time to yourself. And thats about it.

Sincerely,

           Future you