Kindergarten 
I remember walking through the unfamiliar halls of what seemed like a very large school. My sweaty hand was clutched tight onto my father's as we passed many taller kids loudly talking with each other in front of the never-ending room doors. We stopped, though, when we got to a specific door. It stood out to me rather than the rest due to the very colorful critter posters that were littered about it. It made me smile a little to see the silly faces each of them made. A tall blond lady was standing next to the colorful door, holding some very pretty bracelets. I was hidden behind my father's leg, my small hands clutching tightly to his soft sweatpants. After talking to my dad about some things first, she crouched down to face me, a wide friendly smile on her face. That didn't stop me from cowering in fear as her kind eyes stared into mine. 

"Hi there! It's so nice to meet you." She said to me, the smile never leaving her face. "My name is Mrs. R. May I know yours?" I was hesitant at first. I never really liked to talk to people other than my family, I still don't, but Mrs. R seemed friendly, and the reassuring pats my dad was giving me on my hair gave me the courage to slightly smile back at her. 

"Hi." I squeaked shyly. "I'm Lindsey," I told her, holding out the small hand I had hesitantly released from my father's pant leg. My father had taught me to do this whenever I meet new people. Mrs. R took my small hand in hers and shook it gently. As I tried to pull back my hand after, however, she didn't let go. My heart raced as I subtly tried to pry my hand away. The beats slowed down, though, once I realized she was only trying to put one of the colorful bracelets on my bare wrist. I find it a bit silly how scared I was of a nice woman. She had only been nothing but kind, and my father was right there next to me, so I don't know why I was so scared. 

"Here. Now everyone will be able to tell whose class you're in if you get lost," she explained gently, letting my wrist go. I managed to let out a quiet 'thank you' before my hand went back to clutching my father's pants again. Mrs. R stood up and began to talk to my father. I had peaked around their legs and into the open doorway. I couldn't see much but a blur of colors that almost seemed to hurt my eyes. I tried to focus them, though, to see if my friend Ivan had arrived yet. He was the only person I knew who would be here, so I had hoped he was already there. I didn't want to sit alone in the class or be forced to talk to anyone. I turned back to my father when he crouched down next to me, just like Mrs. R had done. 

"I have to go now princess, but remember you are safe here, and make some new friends," he slowly told me, kissing the top of my head. I now know he said that to prevent me from freaking out in the middle of the hall. I slowly nodded my head and took the hand my teacher held out to me, my head still turned to see my father waving bye to me. She led me through the colorful doorway, and into the classroom within. We stopped once we were inside, other kids running around and socializing. 

"This is where you will spend the rest of the year. All these kids here are very friendly. Why don't you go play for a bit while we wait for the others to get here." I nodded and stood still when she returned to her place outside the door, already talking with a new kid and their parents. I took good looks around the room now that I could see everyone and everything. I tried not to let the colorful, strawberry-scented room distract me from looking for my friend. I didn't see him, however, so I figured he just wasn't here yet. He was always late anyway. I spotted a small wooden table near what I now know was the teacher's desk. There was a girl there, with dark hair and bangs, just like me! I approached her table all shy and sat one seat away, trying to keep my distance. I never liked to be too close to someone I didn't trust anyway. As I sat down, I could see that her small hands were smushing green dough down into the soft wooden table. My eyes got wide and I almost gasped aloud. I quickly searched the bucket of yellow containers that sat at the middle of the table, looking for the familiar colored cap. I spotted the bright pink and pulled it out. I don't remember why I liked pink so much as a kid. I hate the color now. But maybe that just goes to show how much we change from our childhood years. I sat back down in my chair and squished the soft pink dough between my chubby fingers, delighted that this colorful room had my favorite toy. 

"Um…hi." I turned my head from where I heard the voice. The girl I sat next to was shyly waving at me, the green dough squished in her other fist. "My name is Pearl. What is your name?" I stuck my hand out for her to shake after hesitating for a second.

"Oh. My name is Lindsey. And I really like your name! It's like a pretty gem." I remember telling her, shaking her equally clammy hand. This conversation is one of the most lucid memories I have of my childhood. We sat and talked a little bit. I think I remember it being about my cats and her dog. I didn't like dogs and she didn't like cats, but we both just wanted to talk to each other. I am surprised that I opened up so easily as even now I still don't do that unless it's someone I know. We stopped talking when the teacher came in with the last kid and closed the door behind her. 

"Alright students, This is everyone. I hope you got to meet at least one new person. I will give you a few more minutes to talk and play about, but please include everyone," she cheered, clapping her hands. Despite the cheerful mood of the students talking loudly to each other, my heart sank. Where was Ivan? I just saw him yesterday so he's not sick. In my childish mind, the thought of him being in another class was never even there. I watched the teacher make her way to her desk, and I left my Play-Doh abandoned on the table as I walked up to Mrs. R. She looked down at me, waiting to hear my question. 

"Um…I was just wondering if anyone was gone today. I can't see my friend, but he wasn't sick yesterday." I am surprised my past teacher was able to hear my voice with how softly I was speaking. The teacher looked over the attendance sheet before looking back down at me. 

"Everyone is here that's supposed to be. He must not be in this class then, dear." My eyes started to well up, my bottom lip trembling having to imagine being in class without him. 

"But I thought we would all be together? Why are there different classes!" I strained, trying not to cry on my first day. 

"There are simply too many kids in your grade for them all to be in one class. But don't worry, you will be able to see him during lunch and recess." Mrs. R tried to reassure me, but I was, and still am, an overthinker, so I did not listen to what she had said. 

I didn't talk to Pearl the rest of the morning, or anyone really, and silently walked with my class to the lunch room with my head down, staying towards the back of the line we created to stay together. Mrs. R had told us to sit at the 4 shorter tables on one side of the gym. I looked around the few empty tables, choosing to sit by myself at the far end of one against the wall. I looked like a baby throwing a tantrum sitting and sulking in the corner, which also must have been a deterrent for any other kids to come up to sit with me. I didn't mind that anyway. I was about to bite into the PB&J sandwich my mom had made for me, when I heard the loud voice I had missed all morning yell my name. 

"Liiinnddsseeyyy!" My head shot towards the door we entered, and I saw Ivan, his hands waving in the air frantically, lunch bag jolting around in his left hand. I dropped my sandwich, making sure it landed on the baggie and not the gross table and ran to meet Ivan halfway. We both stopped before we could run into each other, but we still stumbled anyway and almost fell. My sulky frown was immediately replaced by such a bright smile that even my gums were showing. 

"Ivan! I missed you! I can't believe we are not in the same class. I thought we would be but Mrs. R told me there were too many kids so they had to separate us." The frown returned for only a quick second as I rambled out, but the smile came back quickly. 

"Mrs. B said the same thing! But she also said we would get lunch recess, and both the morning bus and afternoon bus together since we live so close to each other." He also seemed excited to see me as his speech was almost as incoherent as mine had been. We spent the rest of lunch sitting and laughing in the corner away from the other kids, forgetting the fact that we had to go to separate classes once recess was over. 

As a kid, I never had many friends, so I always wanted to be around Ivan whenever I could. He was the younger brother of my older sister's closest friend, so it was easy for us to become friends. Even as we grew up, we became closer and spent even more time together. Starting school was a very frightening thing for me with having social anxiety, and having at least one friend in school with me made it seem better. It felt like my world was ending when my teacher told me we were in separate classes. Now, I haven't seen Ivan in nearly 6 years, and although I do mourn the friendship we had, I know that my world is not ending, and if we were meant to be friends, we would bump into each other again in the future.