I couldn’t ever live without emotions. My breath shaking. The feeling of the world quaking and the walls collapsing and closing in and the air getting thin. But I could not live without that, without everything going bright red, or everything going dark blue. I couldn’t see the world the way I do with shades of gray.

Would things be easier without these fluxes of emotional expression? Of course they would. But I never said I want an easy life, I want a meaningful one. I want to feel despair and joy completely and fully. I want the beauty of life to excite me and I want to feel enraged when safety is threatened. I want to cherish my relationships down to their core and I want to cry when things can’t go as planned.

I don’t want to be numb. I don’t want to live my emotions as if they are not worth all of the attention they can get. It is not that logical thinking fails me, but my emotions tell me where the truth is. My intuition guides me. I don’t want to be something of a gray, bland, tasteless life when there is much more.

I want to grow with someone and our paths intertwine. I want to fall apart from someone. Anger, passion, love, they are all just the same red hue. I could never live my life without all of the emotions of the rainbow, saturated and bright. I always thought that feeling my emotions to the extreme was bad. It was too much. But the more I hold back the more it builds inside of me.

I want to have the stability to feel without action. I want to rage without fighting. I want to be sad without crying. I want to feel the pain of heartbreak without being so completely broken. I want to be so filled with emotion that I cry, cry, cry.

I want my emotions to feel like colors, textures, tastes, smells, places. And they do. I want to run around in a field of flowers and feel the wind as I am feeling so carefree. I want to sit in my kitchen and watch the birds out the window as I am feeling nostalgic. I want to sit in my room with a black light on and feel the energy glow. I want to feel rain and thunder during a storm. I want to be the storm. I want to live my life almost carelessly, while still caring about every little thing, because everything is beautiful.

I want to live in color, life, and energy. I want to create and be created by my emotions. How could I live without this? Not everything is all black or all white, all good or all bad. No emotion is bad, they are all just judged. Can you imagine being created just to be hated? I love all emotions, and I want them all.