The mirror is my enemy. Why, you may ask? Of course, the mirror is inanimate, unable to form its own opinions and ideas, enough to become my enemy. There are no personifications in the real world. But when I peer into the mirror, I see hate, despair, depression, and shame. I see a girl with dark eyes, not of color, but of deep sadness. The mirror trails me everywhere I go in different forms. Sometimes a large glass panel or a little compact mirror hiding amongst the belongings in my purse. But it’s always there, reminding me of the girl’s face in the mirror. 

In my mind, I don’t see the despair in the girl’s eyes the same way I see it in the mirror. In my mind, there is a cheerful girl, beaming positivity from her eyes. She appears happy and confident. Her skin no longer blemishes or feels dry at the touch, instead it is glowing and sparkling with softness. Her hair is not a clump of tangled ugliness like she’s always been told, instead it glistens and twists into the form of a crown above her head. The energy she gives is no longer dark and dreary, but now vibrant as if the sun were above the stars in her eyes.

Am I the only one with darkness in my eyes? My friends' eyes all sparkle with confidence. What happened to friends rubbing off on each other? The despair inside me never left because the mirror continued to show me the girl I was. Of course, this was frustrating for me. I didn’t know who to blame, whether myself, or the mirror for constantly reminding me of my less than perfection, or even my friends for being the cause of my self-esteem to deteriorate. 

“Maybe the problem is you…” I remember thinking to myself on one particularly melancholy night. The mirror is not real, it’s only a reflection of what’s coming from me. Might I have been telling myself it was real to excuse myself from realizing the fault in myself? And how is it any different, then, with my friends? Should I not be more worried of influencing them with my poor self-image? In my stomach, I started to feel sick. Was I looking for something I couldn’t find? 

Whenever I saw a bit of perfection in someone else -which no one is perfect, I failed to understand- I would idealize and admire that person, thinking to myself that I was not like them or that ‘I could never be as good as her’. What if, for a change, I began saying ‘I can be as good as her’? This leads me to the conclusion that maybe at one time I had a better viewpoint of myself. Perhaps confidence is easier to be lost than gained. But the good always conquers the evil, right?

Is the mirror my friend or my enemy? It continues to show me the same girl staring back at me, ashamed and distraught over the pain she is causing herself within. The darkness is still present, a sky of dreary gray clouds in her eyes and shadowing over her face. But the storm starts to pass. The smallest ray of sunlight peaks out from beneath the hazy mist; it winks at me, almost like a promise. The mirror showed me who I was, the dark and ugly side, but then it showed me who I could be. Is that not what friends do for each other?

Alas, the story is still yet to be completed. It might never have an ending. Improving one’s self involves a complete change in mindset. I realized when I had a defined definition of myself already set in my mind, it was difficult to start working backwards to undo all the damage. So this journey is still ongoing until we have reached peak perfection, which will not come about in this day and age. But I appreciate all that I am learning in this journey I’m taking in step with my future self. I can proudly say the girl in the mirror smiles more often. She is no longer downhearted and the dreary clouds have risen from above her. Instead a sparkling golden crown rests in their place. She has made peace with her mind and her friends, who cheer on this newly found confidence. She is not perfect, nor may she ever be for quite some time, but she loves herself and that’s all that matters.