The Big Wide World all Around me | Teen Ink

The Big Wide World all Around me

February 9, 2022
By SugarRush81 BRONZE, Hemet, California
SugarRush81 BRONZE, Hemet, California
4 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't need it to be easy I need it to be worth it


I Always knew I was different but never knew what was wrong doctor visits after visits but yet never a clean-cut answer it always bothered me that I never found what was wrong with me. I knew I had mental problems but those never told me what was actually wrong with me it bothered me Like a cut or then you forget something important I just wanted an answer to what was wrong with me. I always learned differently than others I struggled in certain things that other kids didn´t was I just dumb or stupid always overthinking little things I knew this wasn´t normal and I knew something was wrong but I would always ask my parents but they are your parents they will lie they always said ¨your perfect the way you or nothing is wrong with you¨. It was the same old same for years but not when I was 15 I remember this night like it was yesterday so easily. I got from a basketball still wondering what was wrong with me I talked to a friend about this some openly like the open book Am.  he finally told me something that might have changed my life It was a lead to everything I have wanted to know. It was easy for him to tell what might have been wrong but yet I told my friends, they all had an idea why didn't they tell me I could have figured this out sooner I got a little mad but it was ok. I told my mom the next day and even she said he had an idea then was when I was a little upset but we weren´t completely sure if that was wrong with me we needed to see a professional so had an appointment for the next Monday  I wad happy like over the moon happy to finally have answers at 15 years of me not knowing thinking I was crazy and stupid for all these years. We went into this beautiful place with these colorful butterfly and flower paintings the people there were so nice. Me and my mom sat down after checking in we were watching the lion king on the tv I had already seen the movie 100 times so it was nothing new to me after it was more. I went on my phone to go see what was going on at school since it was 10 o'clock in the morning and school was going on my friends were telling me the normal how bored they were in class but yet the school wasn't that bad it was the fact that half of them did pay attention and the teachers hated me for it they were those kids that just sat on their phones but they did their homework and classwork at home. What felt like forever they finally called my name. We went back into this really big hallway with more paintings of butterflies and flowers but also Disney characters Like the Lions from the lion king and The Disney princess Disney was something I loved for years so it brought a while to my face seeing them. In the end, was the hallway where they normally take my blood pressure with that annoying machine that beeps never understood why they had to take my height when I knew it. My least favorite part was getting my weight taken. I hated my weight. I felt fat every time they took it but I was losing weight. It was pretty easy to just only eat once a day. Then you will lose weight or do sports and go to the gym. After all that annoying stuff, it was finally time to go sit in the room where the doctors was going to come in which was pretty boring a plan It was a room of nothingness the only interesting thing was the spinny chair that the doctors sits in the big computer bigger than in my room I just laid down almost falling asleep while waiting. After waiting for hours the doctor came in. They took me back to this and made my parents stay there. They made me take all these different types of tests like reading and they just made me sit, talk to them about how I felt I found it weird and strange. I hated every moment but I needed to go to find out if I was different from everyone else. I waited for weeks for my test result. It took 2 weeks. The doctor said he came and I opened it with my mom's permission. I found the results and found out I was different from everyone else. I was happy but also sad I wanted to cry which I did why was I said was it the fact that know I knew was going to be labeled as special or dumb no the fact that what my friends were going to think of me. All these thoughts I don´t remember crying but I remember feeling sad this is not what I expected to happen I was expecting to be happy not sit here and cry like a baby was I was one I wanted the day to be over it was only 10:00 am the day was finally over didn't do much but sit in my room and cry my eyes like I was rain on a rainy day. School was the next day I didn't go was too sad to go out of bed I didn't go to school for the next 2 weeks because I was out of it.I ended up just getting over it realizing that my should such a simple thing affected my life so much when just because I was different doesn't make me less of a human than everyone else.I started to look at life and the different ways people made comments from there and there but I didn't care because they didn't know me.I was perfectly happy I was surrounded by people like my friends and family I went to therapy every week they just checked to make sure I was going ok with my medicine and it was nice we would play games like uno or we would watch movies together she was pretty nice and I loved talking to her she was one of the very first people that I opened up too and from then on I was scared to express how I feel or just talk to people I was gratefully for all the people who helped in this journey of helping me find myself and see who I am.


The author's comments:

story about my mental health


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