My name might come from the word for life in Hebrew. Blooming or perhaps birdlike in Latin. In German it comes from a word meaning guarantee. Something bold and confident. Dark royal colors. Maroon, navy, and forest green. An even and odd number. The old sturdy brick of a building that’s been around longer than I’ve been alive. The quiet laughter of a 20th century socialite.

People always spell my name wrong. With an E at the start instead of an A. It ruins it. It makes it uneven. Ruins the novelty of saying so much with only two letters. 

Ava is balanced. Two of the same letter on either side of an ‘a’. The ‘v’ looks the same no matter what, but the capitalization of the first ‘A’ kinda throws it off. At least it’s a somewhat even scale. One of those gold ones that sits on an important person's desk in legal dramas. 

I try to keep the balance in my life. Compromise. Help others.

Unfortunately I get  passionate about a few things. Full of life like my name suggests. I think I’ve lost a few friends because of it. Don’t know when to swallow my pride and pretend I’m wrong. Why would I when I know I’m right.

Mom saw it in the January 1997 edition of People. Heather Locklear and Richard Sambora named their daughter Ava Elizabeth. If you believe in such things like names having meaning, then you might think I’m named well. The daughter of an actress and a rockstar, I should be destined for great things. I’m not quite sure what the great things are. But I’ll figure it out.

When I was younger I had this idea I was going to be a surgeon with awards decorating the walls of my penthouse. Or a famous lab tech that discovers the cure for cancer. I was going to help so many people. I was going to be amazing at my job. I picked all my highschool classes after this vision. I joined HOSA. Made sure to proudly declare to anyone who asked that I was going to be a Doctor. Told everyone that by the time I’m 30 I want a yellow Stingray Corvette. And by the time I’m 35 that sleek, black BMW I saw once at the dealership with my dad.

The thing they don’t tell you when you're younger is that the health care system is a business. They tell me that all the time now. The articles on Google News about Penicillin. The episodes of medical dramas my mom watches. In the classes I take. I don’t think I can be a doctor anymore. I don’t think I could sit there and watch all this happen and not do anything about it. I still want my Corvette though. I still want the money and success. I’m still a little selfish and I’ve got a lot of pride. 

People tell me I should be a lawyer. When I was younger I used to think that was a way for people to tell me that I was very opinionated and stubborn for a little girl. Years later‒after a self evaluation or two‒I would be inclined to agree with them. 

I’ve always been better with public speaking and the old historic documents we analyze in gov, than sig figs and transpiration lab reports of my science classes anyway. Maybe I can help more people this way. Fight the system. It’s probably wishful thinking. But I’ll still give it my all. 

Maybe future moms reading a magazine will name their daughters after me. Ava Elizabeth.