I came home from school on a cool, calm day at school. I walked into my house which smelled like vanilla, kicking dog toys everywhere.  I walked into my room, set my stuff down and walked into the kitchen where I was going to cook Kraft mac and cheese, obviously. I sat down on the floor and was playing with my dog. My mom  then looked at me all focused. My mom then told me “What would you think about moving in with Steve”. (Steve is my mom’s boyfriend). I said if you’re happy I’m happy. I never knew that sentence wasn’t true until now.  

It has had an impact on my life because it’s not the same as it used to be when it was just my siblings, my mom, and I living in the same house. I was happy before we moved in, and  now everything has just changed. I don’t get to talk to my mom in private anymore because someone is always around. She doesn’t know I don’t like it at my house.  I really didn’t want to move in with him but whatever makes my mom happy. I was way happier before I  I’ve got in a lot of fights with my mom because I say her and Steve fight a lot. She then said “It’s not about fighting, it's about having fun with each other. That’s not how anything works, yes some people do get in fights but not all the time. Sometimes they yell at each other and it makes me scared because I don’t want them to go down the path my mom and dad went down. My mom and dad fought a lot but I thought they were always gonna make it, but some things just don’t work out.   I was getting ready to move and packing everything and I was thinking a lot about moving. I was packing my closet, and then saw all the pictures with my family and I when my mom and dad were still together. I know things happen for a reason but I wish they would’ve stayed together. 

We were moving and the only thing I was thinking was “How much is my life gonna change”. When you walk into the room at my mom’s house you see my bed, closet, dresser, and a messy room. My room is only messy because I’m stressed, and busy all the time. 

The first week I stayed there, it was not the best because my mom’s boyfriend really irritated me and still irritates me so much. He called my brothers lazy and said I was my mom’s favorite child of his because I wasn’t lazy and actually got up to stuff.  I really only got up to eat because I wasn’t used to everything here. It was fine and everything before we moved in here because no one was fighting with anyone so everything just went smooth. It’s not like that now because everyone in this house gets tired of each other. 

One day I was getting ready to go to my dads because my parents are split up. Brett, who is one of his sons, was taking trash out and putting it in the back of my mom’s truck to take it to the dumpster. Brett thinks Ryder (my younger brother) needs to do everything for him. He opened the door to the cold, small, welcoming room and told Ryder he needs to not be lazy all his life. I looked at Ryder and asked if he wanted to stay at dad’s that night because I wasn't having it. I’m not gonna let a kid that does bad stuff all the time talk to my brother like that. When we got to my dad’s I started crying because it makes me mad and when I’m mad I cry. I was talking to my dad and he said “what’s wrong”. I looked at him with my sad, red eyes and I told him the whole story. 

When someone asks me if I’m okay I start crying because I keep all my emotions in and don’t tell anyone anything. I wanted to stay at my dad’s so bad that night because I didn’t wanna go back to my mom’s house. I ended up having to go back to my mom’s because I had all my softball stuff at my mom’s. I didn’t wanna go back to my dad’s for a long time because he favoritismes my brother. I go there now to get away from my mom’s house. He helps me through a lot of stuff but I cry a lot because of everything. I’m not in a good place right now with all my emotions. I’m so emotional now because of everything that happened. 

One night I was talking to my mom and she asked “Why is your room so dirty?'' I said “Because I’m depressed” and she said “No you’re not”. I was getting ready to take a warm shower with my coconut shampoo. I was sitting on my bed waiting for my brother to get out of the bathroom. My brother got out and I stood up and she walked into my room and said “Is there something we need to talk about”. I looked at her and said “No”, because I don’t like telling her stuff. I then ran to the bathroom, got in the shower and started crying because I either get angry or cry and all I wanted to do was cry.  I haven’t cried in front of my mom in a long time. I feel useless when I cry in front of my mom. I feel like she shouldn’t see her daughter like this. I don’t like crying in front of her or my dad because I don’t think they should see their daughter like this. The only reason I ever cry is if I'm severely hurt or if I’m at a funeral. 

One time my mom was talking to me. I was straightening my hair and my mom came to me and I was on FaceTime with a friend because I always used to talk to him. The guy I was on FaceTime with said “Tori cried the other night”. My mom then looked at me and said “Why have you been so emotional?” That kind of made me sad because I don’t like when people call me emotional because it makes me feel useless because I don’t want to be someone who cries all the time. Her boyfriend has changed her so much because she was never like this before we moved in here. One time my mom picked me up from school and said “Steve wants me to go on a side by side ride with him, but I don’t want to. I then said “He doesn’t have to make you do everything, so don’t go. After that she dropped me off at my friend’s house and my mom snapchatted me and it was a picture of her in the side by side.  I don’t know what to do about anything in my mom’s house because I cry almost every night because I don’t like sharing my feelings or emotions with people because I feel like they don’t care. So I just try to tell a few people who will actually listen and who I think care. I try my best to listen to whoever comes to me about their feelings because I know what it feels like to not be listened to. My mom doesn’t know what’s going on because I don’t just want to walk up to her and say “Hey I don’t like living here”, because then I sound rude. She doesn’t know half the stuff I want to tell her or tell other people. I don’t like expressing my feelings to my parents because all they’re going to say is it’s going to get better or try your best to get away from the situation. It’s not that easy, it takes a while to get out of such a big situation. 

I know some parents have thought that they want to leave their house because they don’t like it. It’s not the same living with your mom and dad than living with your mom and her bf. The only part that’s the same is the fighting because my parents sometimes fought and my mom and her boyfriend fight. It really irritates me though because I’ve told my mom that she and her boyfriend fight a lot and she says that a relationship isn’t about fighting. I tell her that if you fight someone you need to try to figure it out, then if you keep arguing about the same thing then you need to go separate ways. My mom is going down the path she went with my dad with her boyfriend now. It makes me sad because my mom deserves way better. 

I was talking to my friend’s mom the other day and started crying because it makes me sad seeing me be like this because I’m so stressed about everything. School is stressful because I don’t get math at all and I don’t like asking questions. My mom and dad’s house are stressing me out. I do have other people to help me through it so thanks to them.