Don’t think.

Don’t think about your clothes. Don’t think about your hair. Don’t think about your body. Don’t think about the acne on your face. Don’t think about the fact that you’re personality is different than theirs. Don’t think about what you look like to other people. Don’t think about whether they like you or not. Don’t let your mind overfill with thoughts of your appearance, personality, and ways to change.

Do not dwell on the thought that you are not good enough.

These are things I have to tell myself to keep from going crazy. A part of me is happy to be who I am and live the life that I do, but at the same time, I am always comparing and degrading myself. I can’t sit in a classroom or walk in a store without thinking about what others are seeing. It consumes so much of my mind that sometimes I make even the simplest of tasks difficult. I’m always so worried about my appearance and messing up that I end up not being able to think straight.

I see all of these beautiful people walking down streets, on billboards, and on social media. I see their image, and it’s an image that I find myself often trying to recreate. I am so lost in comparing myself and trying to look or act a certain way that sometimes I don’t even know who I am. What is my personality really? Am I acting this way because it’s who I am or because it’s who I think they want me to be? Is this what I want to look like or what I feel like I’m supposed to look like? Am I even living my life for me? Or am I living a lie for them?

I’m loyal. I’m there for the ones who I love. I care about people. I work hard and put forth the effort to accomplish things. I put my mind to something and I don’t let a lack of motivation stop me. I enjoy writing and I find happiness in painting. I can stay up late talking to my best friend and I still wake up early the next morning to have coffee with my dad. I love rocking back and forth in our boat on the lake. Sitting outside our RV at a campsite listening to music is one of the best feelings. Yeah, I sit around in sweats most of the time. I’m quiet until you get to know me. I really only have three friends that I would text or call. Math intimidates me, and I love country music. I will never forget the time my dad took me in his Jeep to just drive and chase the flowers on the hills.

This is who I am. I’m not that model in that picture, and I’m not that girl at school who has a bunch of friends. I’m not the one who is on a Varsity team, and I’m not a super-smart person who knows all the answers. I’m just a girl who is writing this, and in the process made herself feel a little better. I’m me.