“Mom Cookie hasn't moved in 2 whole days I'm starting to get nervous” I yelled down to the kitchen where my mom was making me breakfast before school

“ Ok I'll take her to the vet today” she called back.

I knew cookie had a tumor and some other medical problems but I didn't think anything would affect her this early. I had only had Cookie for a little over a year. She was my first ever Guinea pig. I would take her everywhere and do everything with her. After saying goodbye to Cookie I went downstairs, grabbed my running shoes and walked out the door. It was a rainy winter day and I had a strange feeling in my stomach. I decided it was nothing and that I should just push it off. I forgot about Cookie until that afternoon when the feeling in my gut came back again, this time I paid a little more attention to it but decided again that I should just ignore it. After school I had Girls On The Run which my mom was the coach of. The whole practice my mom seemed nervous and like she didn't want to fully talk to me. My mind started racing thoughts were going in and out of my head like “ am I in trouble, did something bad happen to dad, did something bad happen to Luke, was there something going on with the school and that's why we had to do practice inside.” But I just kept running. Once practice was finished my mom and I ran out from the school and to our big black Sequoia . I opened the door and jumped in on the passenger side well my mom slowly got in on the driver side. She took a deep breath and suddenly it hit me “Cookie” I whispered to myself. 

“How was Cookie's vet appointment?” I asked my mom In a voice that was cracking and shaking like an old building that was about to crumble. 

“Well” she said her voice also far from steady 

“We had to put her down” 

My stomach dropped. It felt like everything was going in slow motion the waves of sadness and grief just kept hitting me and hitting me. My mom was talking but I couldn't hear her. All I could hear was the rain pounding on the ground and the heartbeat in my ears. I could hear the sobs coming from my mouth and I could feel the tears falling from my flushed cheeks onto my shaky cold hands. Before I knew it we were in my driveway sitting, waiting I wanted to go inside but I couldn't. I couldn't handle the thought or feeling of going upstairs and not seeing Cookie right there waiting to greet me with her happy little squeaks and the chew toy that she had pulled off her cage earlier that morning. My mom and I sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity until she spoke. 

“ I was holding her when she died,” she said. 

I wasn't sure how this made me feel, I was happy that Cookie wasn't alone, but I was angry that it wasn't me holding her. 

“It's not fair,” I thought to myself.

“ I should've been holding her, I should've been the last person she saw, I loved her most”.

These thoughts only made another wave of sadness and grief hit me. 

“She was very peaceful and calm and it was quick and easy” 

Knowing that it wasn't laborious comforted me a little. We sat there in more silence till I slowly reached for the car door handle with a shaky hand. As I slowly walked inside, I saw a small white box made out of cardboard on the dark brown kitchen table with the letter “C” on the top of it. I pushed the glass door open and grabbed the box the second I touched it I knew what it was. I opened the box and I couldn't do anything but cry when I saw what was inside. 

“Cookie” I whispered to myself again.

I put my hand on her lifeless body. It felt like I couldn't function all I could think about was the fact that she felt cold. So I walked to the kitchen, opened the draw and took out a white and green striped kitchen towel for her. I wrapped her up in the towel to try and keep her warm and grabbed a carrot from the fridge. My mind was blank. I couldn't accept the fact that she wasn't going to wake up. Then reality came back. I started to see that everyone was staring at me waiting for me to say something as I was waiting for them to speak first. 

“A snack for the road” my brother said softly.

I was almost relieved that I didn't have to be the first to speak, but I just nodded. Since it was raining we waited a day to bury cookie once we did I had a sense of realization , yes she wasn't coming back but it wasn't about that it was about the fact that she helped me through a lot and that she was a happy memory now and that her memory shouldn't be tarnished by the fact that she was gone. The next day I heard that my friend had lost someone really important in their life. As I was helping her through it, I realized that I would not be able to help her through it as well as I would've been since I lost Cookie. Losing Cookie was very hard for me, but by giving me that experience I was able to help someone else. I learned a lot about myself and that good things can come out of awful situations.