The Performance of The Night

Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub. I can hear my heart begin to race with every growing second. The spotlight was on us, on me. Every limb in my body shakes as I stand in my designated position. The air thickens, and fear begins to take a hold of me. Why is it so hard for me to breathe? I looked around at my surrounding environment, but everything was nothing but a hazy mess. Calm down, Hannah. Deep breaths. I looked behind me to the spot where my best friend Lynn stood. We were up on stage, and she too was in her own little world. She turns to me, and I begin to notice her moving lips. I don’t know what she’s saying. I can’t make it out. She notices my puzzled face and inches closer and closer towards me. “What are you doing? You’re supposed to stay in your spot,” I said. “I’m checking in on you, dummy. Just stay calm. Remember your moves. We got this,” she replies. Unsure of what to say next, I decide to just nod my head and return a smile. With that, my best friend walked away, back to her directed position. The lights started to fade, and we began our performance. 

The music starts and the bass drops. With every beat came movement from both my hands and feet. Remember what comes next. Watch your step. Take it easy. Everyone is looking at you. Don’t make a fool of yourself. All these insecure thoughts begin to fill my mind. With every step came a thought, and with every thought came a different movement. I opened my fan, a symbol of my Vietnamese heritage, and danced to every following beat. Step. Step. Step. Twirl. Dip. Repeat. I do my best to align my movements to the music, trying to focus on every shift and every change. Yet, my anxiety continues to consume me. My body shakes. “Deep breaths. Stay focused,” I try to tell myself. Although, how could I? How can I stay focused when there are so many things that can go wrong?  After all, I could forget a move and be completely off beat. Or I could turn the wrong way and run into someone else! How can I stay focused when everyone is counting on me to not slip up--to be perfect? These doubts continue to fill my mind and then, suddenly, my fan drops.

What did I just do?? Did everyone just see me?? Did everyone just witness my slip up?? My body freezes as the music continues to play. In that one moment, my heart stopped and everything grew faint. In that one moment, all became nothing but a mere figment of my imagination. In that one moment, I felt like a victim of my own anxiety. What had only been a few seconds, felt like a lifetime. Not knowing what to make of the situation, I picked up my fan and gave a glance down at the crowd. There they stood---my parents. Oh how happy I was to see them. I see my mother in the crowd, holding her phone proudly as she records my big moment. My mother was always inclined to do these things--keeping remnants of her children’s special moments. “Memories are always worth preserving,” she would say. My mother is my biggest advocate, always supporting me in anything and everything I do. As for my father, well he’s like her accomplice. My father takes his position right next to my mother in the crowd, where he repeatedly bops his head to the beat of the music as he smiles and winks at me. My father always knew what to do to make me laugh and feel better. After all, it was a talent he mastered. Whether I was terrified of messing up or not, my parents’ endless support and encouragement always got me through my roughest moments. With that, I let out a giggle. 

In that one moment, my fears become irrelevant. In that one moment, I found courage within myself to keep trying. In that one moment, I was no longer afraid. Seeing the look on my mother and father’s faces drove me to do my best, and so I did. I popped open my fan, and proceeded to move with every following beat. Step. Step. Step. Twirl. Dip. Repeat. Never missing a beat and never missing a move, I gracefully ended my performance without flaw. Through my parents’ endless support, I learned that courage was never too far out of reach. Seeing my parents become so proud of me in both my good and bad moments made me feel like the luckiest daughter in the world.