Walking into my first class on the first day of school, was something that I thought I was prepared for. Shortly after the late bell rang I then realized that I was wrong. While I was trying to decide if my anxiety was telling my friends about it or if i could hold it back long enough to wait to use the bathroom, my leg began to bounce just as soon as my palms began to sweat. 

Anxiety has always been a struggle for me. From getting scared that my name was called first on the list during attendance to getting nervous to get up and get a tissue or throw something away. But I didn't really start to notice it more until the beginning of the seventh grade when I lost my best friend. I was only eleven when my sister, the person I looked up to the most, had passed away. After that time I had to figure out how to deal with a lot of my emotions on my own but mostly because I was too scared or nervous to ask for help from other people. Going back to school was one of the hardest things I had to do. I was scared to face everyone and I didn’t want to tell them why I wasn’t at school.

 I tried to calm my own emotions but I wasn’t very good at it. I went to the guidance counselor's office almost every day just to be able to focus on that day of work. I soon started to attend a weekly therapist who helped learn how to be able to cope with everything that was happening and being okay that it actually happened. I learned how to make new friends and detach from toxic ones. But most importantly I learned that it was okay to not be okay. I started to get into my old lifestyle and realized that things were different, but it didn’t have to be in a bad way. 

Coming back from everything I have been through was a struggle. I knew it was going to be hard, but I depended only on myself to get through my high anxiety. I then realized that I always needed something to get my mind off my anxiety and began to think of ways that I thought would help. Coming into a new high school i thought the best way to try new things with new people were clubs and sports. Volleyball was something that I wanted to try but was too scared to start because I didn’t know anybody even though that was a good enough reason to start. I played softball before the passing of my sister had happened and I knew that that was what I had to do. Now I play softball and volleyball and have made many new friends.

I have created many new ways to cope with my anxiety. I have made a lot of progress with my mental health now and I am in a much better head space. I am so thankful for the people that I have in my life today and I am also very proud  of myself for getting through the toughest thing I have had to deal with.