I lost my best friend. She's gone. But she didn't lose me. We still talk almost every day, and she has no idea that the trust we once shared is gone. I have new best friends. Ones who love me as much as I love them. But she isn't one of them anymore. Before I start with the story, I'll say right now that I will be using real names. I am positive that nobody involved will see it. I'm just writing it for me. The way you'll know I'm telling the truth is that I was in the wrong in part of this story, and I really was. I screwed up. I can't tell anyone about this because they won't understand. I just want to get it out of my system.

First, my name is Ashley. My last name doesn't matter here. I was in ninth grade when this happened, but I'll start with a little bit of backstory. In my seventh grade english class, about halfway through the year, I was sat next to a girl named Haley. She had long blonde hair, and I could tell that she was very country. She wore cowgirl boots every day, drew and read about horses, stuff like that. One day, I noticed that her newly pierced ears were infected, so I told her and got her a tissue to clean it up. We had a laugh, and then every day after that, we would talk and pass notes, and she very quickly became my best friend. While this was going on, I was sitting with a group of girls who, long story short, were not very kind to me. I told Haley this, and she invited me to sit at her lunch table. There were only two other girls there. Their names were Ella and Katie. We were acquiantances, but we had never really talked. They were really quiet, like me, but once we started talking, I realized how amazing they were. I was so happy to have such a great group of friends. 

One time in English, Haley and I got to talking about crushes. You know, as seventh grade girls do. I first told her about mine, a guy named Caedon. Then she told me about hers, a guy named Victor. Victor had transferred to our school about a month earlier, and I met him in science class the day he arrived. I immediately got a weird vibe from him. He just got super close to me and just all in all invaded my personal space. Him and Haley looked alike, so I could see them as a couple. My new priority was to make that relationship happen. I would push her to write him notes, and he eventually confessed that he had a crush on her too. They started "dating". 

At my school, you would get on a bus, called a transfer bus, which would then take you to the high school where you would get on another bus that would take you home. The bus drivers didn't really care about who rode which transfer bus, because they were all going to the same place. At this point, Haley and I were inseparable, so she started riding the bus with me every day. Shortly after she got involved with Victor, she started to invite him on my bus. She stopped sitting with me, and started sitting with him. I didn't really care at all, because I was a major introvert and coveted my alone time. I was fine until one day when they were sitting in the seat in front of me. I was playing games on my phone when I heard my name. Haley was talking about her "friend Ashley", which was me. Then I heard Victor say,

"Ashley... She's the weird one, right?" That hurt. I didn't hear what Haley said about it, but it sure didn't sound like she was defending me. It was then that I started to realize that Victor wasn't such a good guy, and that Haley maybe wasn't such a great friend. They dated through the summer, and then eighth grade started. Now, in eighth grade, I had really bad anxiety and depression, but I didn't tell anyone about it. And while I was so miserable, I felt that I had to put on a happy face for Haley. So, I started writing these stories about her and Victor and giving them to her. It was all fun and games until Victor came up to me one day and told me he liked the stories. Wait, what? I approached Haley and she admitted to showing about four of my stories to him. I laughed it off, but I was hurt pretty badly. Those stories were just supposed to be between us. 

Late in our eighth grade year, they broke up. He said it was because his psychologist told him he shouldn't be in a relationship. Obviously, I didn't believe him. I don't think Haley did either, but she just wanted to. One day, when they were walking down the hall, he flipped her off. That made me so mad. I just hated him and was glad he was out of Haley's life. 

About a month later, Haley, Katie and I went on a trip for orchestra. It sounded like so much fun. We would go to an amusement park, spend the night at a hotel, and play in a competition. We agreed that we would all sit together, and we did on the way there. We watched Finding Nemo on the tiny bus TV and ate Hershey's Kisses. The amusement park was a lot of fun too. Before we stopped at the hotel, we went to a mall to eat dinner. I've never been super into eating, so I just got a smoothie. We went to the hotel, which was a lot more sketchy than I had anticipated. Haley immediately left to swim in the tiny hotel pool, but Katie and I stayed back in the room. Because Victor was in band, he went on the trip too. I have no idea what happened, but when Haley got back, her and Victor had made up. I didn't think too much of it, so I just went to sleep. 

Right after the competition, Katie had to leave because her family was driving to Utah. That left me and Haley. Well, it actually left me, because Haley had chosen to sit by Victor instead, which left me all alone. She sat with me for the last hour or so of the bus ride, which was nice. We got back from the trip, and everything was normal, but I couldn't help but feel like I lost something that was important to me. Then, ninth grade started. 

When I started ninth grade, I spent the first half of the year in a different school. But then I decided to come back to the local high school where my friends were at. On my first day back, Katie and Ella were hugging me and asking about my old school. Well, Haley hugged me too, but all she talked about was Victor. Apparently, they were friends but they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend. Her relationship with Victor soon consumed her. It was all she'd talk about and it would take up the little but of time I had with her. We had no classes together and a different lunch, so I could only talk to her when we walked to the bus together. We used to walk every day, until one day when I asked her, and she said she was staying after school. Okay, that was fine. I got to my bus early, sat down, and looked out the window. Then, I say her walking with Victor. For a couple months, it was little things like that. They weren't awful, but they hurt. Then they just added up.

Haley and Victor started dating again. I was okay with it, but I just didn't want to talk about it all the time. Over spring break, Haley's mom agreed for her to go the the mall with me and sleep over at my house. This was a pretty rare occurence, because our families didn't really get along. The mall was fun, and then when we got to my house, I was feeling playful and convinced Haley to text Victor. It was fun and lighthearted, but then I messed up. I convinced her to send some risque messages to him, and it escalated really quickly. He ended up sending her pornography. That's what really showed me that I should not have done that. Of course, I told her not to watch it. But I let things go to far. Haley acted kind of strange around me after that, even though I didn't mean anything by it. 

A few days later, Haley texted me. I opened it, and she asked me if I liked Victor. I told her no, of course not, because that was the truth. But then she ended up telling him it was me who sent the messages, even though she promised she wouldn't. She sent me a screenshot of a text message from him. It basically said that I was throwing myself at him, and I was trying to betray her. None of that was true, and I was so hurt. I expected her to defend me, but no. She believed him. She refused to talk to me for a while. When she finally did, she decided not to take sides and just move on. I said that was fine, but on the inside, I was sobbing.

My relationship with Haley was off after that happened. She didn't feel it, but I sure did. I hated Victor. I hated him. I told myself it was his fault that Haley was mad at me, because I didn't want to admit that my best friend didn't care about me as much as I thought she did. Everything was doomed after that. Almost every day, we would have a fight. I would cry, and then apologize, not because I thought I needed to, but because I knew Haley wouldn't. I just kind of pretended that my apology was coming from her. 

It got horrible when one night, I got a text. It was Haley, but her and I were a part of a group chat with another person. Right before this happened, Haley asked if I would be willing to talk to Victor. I told her no, saying that it would be salt in the wound for me. The third person in the chat was Victor. I was crushed. She completely invaded my privacy, and I told her. I also told Victor to stop texting me. Then Haley said no, and he deserved to know why. I told both of them to stop and delete the chat. Haley then said that she wouldn't talk to me until I made up with him. That's when I was finished. This girl wasn't my friend anymore. 

We eventually "made up", but I lost all of my trust for her. She still thinks we're best friends. But if one good thing came out of this, it's that I found my real best friends. Ella and Katie. They were there for me when I needed to vent or cry or just talk, and I love them so much. We're inseparable, and I am so glad that I found my real friends.