Miserable. That would be my one-word description of that dreadful week in February. I couldn't even remember the exact week that any of it happened. Not that I even wanted to. The entire time felt like a thick haze. The only thing I could do was cry. Cry and mourn as I felt paralyzed, not being able to help her.

I was still recovering from a cold I had one week when my grandma was visiting; Although, it wasn’t the worst one I have had it made me feel really crummy, which was unfortunate because my grandma didn’t visit very often and I felt crummy the entire time she was here. After she left it all went downhill. On top of my grandma’s trip being somewhat of a let down when my entire family began to catch that same cold one by one. Eventually, the weekend came around and my family and I were starting a full recovery. That was until Saturday came.

That Saturday morning I woke feeling like my spine has been stiffened and stretched like a container of silly putty. Because of the massive snowfall, I knew my mom was going to ask me to shovel. I barely accomplished the menial task of getting down the stairs as I tried not to break my back. As I laid myself across the couch I heard my dog Shea gasping for air. She had recently turned 15 and I knew her days were numbered. I feared the day I would find her laying down on the living room floor unresponsive. Later that week I would learn my family nor I would have to find her, she would end up going more peacefully.

As I had predicted my mom came through the door sometime later proclaiming I had to shovel. I told her about my back of which she was not happy about, although she didn’t make me shovel. I had already been fatigued from the task. That February had the most snowfall in the history of Minnesota. The rest of the day was just a blur, along with most of that following week. That was all until the day my dad came up to my room one day telling me the news no one ever wants to hear.

Say goodbye to your dog. Those five words sounded like a bell that wouldn’t stop ringing inside my head. I stumbled my way downstairs. As I got to the living room I saw her lying there. I went over and laid on her. Not now, not now. An already miserable week turned worse by the news that breaks people's hearts. All I could do was lay on her and cry saying I didn’t want her to go.

I didn’t want her to go, but deep inside I knew it was the best decision. For the past year, her health had been declining and it had gotten to the point where that was the best choice for her. Why then, just a week before my birthday. When my birthday rolled around it certainly didn’t feel like it. You can lose somebody anytime, anywhere. Unfortunately, I had to learn that the hard way, but at least now I know. Now I know to treat everybody and every moment like it was my last, or at least I try. To be on bad terms with a close one when they pass away can be one of the worst feelings in the world. A feeling of eternal guilt. Although I did get to say goodbye to Shea, it was still unexpected. In my week state, I wasn’t able to handle it well. Maybe the quote “live every moment as if it were your last” has a bit more wisdom to it than I thought.