So I believe that we can all agree that our grandmothers are huge pieces of our lives. I’d also say that if you did not have a strong bond with your elders and peers,you must’ve done some wrong things. I myself am on the fence with these things because I never felt as if i’ve been the greatest grandson to my grandparents, and without a doubt I will be the first to admit that. Over the past couple of months I’ve really been thinking about what I need to change about myself to establish not only a better relationship with those around me, but also who I am on the inside. And I am here to tell you why I feel this way about myself, So let’s get started.

So About three months ago My grandmother would call me in the middle of the night asking me to come pick her up, and I never really took what she was saying into consideration. And without hesitation I told her that she was “Paranoid” and that she needs to go back to bed. I head over to her house the next day around noon to ask if she needed anything from the supermarket. I walk in to say “hello” and she wanted nothing to do with me at the moment, She told me to “leave” and that “I don’t love her”. And in a fit of rage I said “Next time that you start having one of your episodes, don’t call me to come help you”. And then I stormed out as she told me to.

We didn’t speak for a while after that and I now regret not reaching out to her to apologize. The reason for this is I woke up one night to the sound of my mother balling her eyes out, and as I asked “what’s wrong”. She said “Your Grandmother had a stroke in her sleep and luckily the neighbors called the paramedics in time”.

She then after that was rushed to the hospital and we followed right behind. When we got there the doctor pulled me to the side and said “Your Grandmother is incredibly lucky to even be alive right now”. I then asked “why?” The doctor told me very calmly that “she had a very severe stroke in her sleep which has now made it difficult to remember names, and even faces”. I then asked “how long will she live?” He replied “One month at best”. I felt my whole heart shrivel up and die in that moment. Doc then said “I’m so sorry for what’s happened to your grandmother”. I sat there speechless for near hours. Then I finally mustered up the strength to walk in to see my grandmother I sat on the edge of her bed and before I could even begin to speak, she stopped me.

She then muttered “I know how you feel sweetheart, I’ve hid my sickness from you because i never wanted you to worry, How much Love I have for you will never change.” I then said “You deserved better from me, I’ve let you down.” Her Heart rate monitor began to get out of control as she was losing oxygen to her heart. The doctors and nurses then pulled me out of the room and pulled the curtain behind them to hide what was going on. I will never forgive myself for what I’ve allowed to happen. And I truly have no idea what it’s like to truly love someone “until they are gone”.

I own all rights to this piece of writing

Bailey Fitzgerald