“The sea does not like to be restrained”, so why must I trust it? Why must I feel compelled to enter into it? For I haven't a clue what’s in it. But wait, I do know, I know of the sharks, the fish, the darkness. The mysteriousness that it possesses. Yet it is joyful. It is blue, filled with laughter and good memories. It also possesses the happiness that I desire. I guess you can say that we had a love-hate relationship.

That day started out like any other in the small town of Little Compton, Rhode Island. We all woke up and filled the air with laughter, and Christopher Marvin, the beloved boyfriend of my sister Isabel, provided a new personality. Most days we would head down to the beach and spend the afternoon in the ocean. Maybe we would go out the The Rock, where we would put our bodies at risk on the seaweed encrusted edge with the hope of being flung into the ocean. Other times we would go to the diving board, where we proceeded to jump 30 feet down into the dark waters.

Today was not one of those days. Chris decided to chime into to our morning meeting with excitement in his voice and said “Let’s go sailing!” And I was invited.

I had never been sailing before. I was always too scared. I was confident that nothing could go wrong. But it was the idea. The simple thought of flying off the boat into god knows what. It’s hard to describe how I felt. I thought of potentially drowning, of slowly losing the ability to take a breath, and eventually everything going black. It was my worst nightmare.

I accepted the offer.

Why? I don’t know. Maybe I wanted to get over the fear of going out on a Sunfish, which is a two person boat. It’s the type of boat where with a little too much wind the boat flips. It’s the type of boat where too sharp of a turn flips the boat. It’s the type of boat that Christopher Marvin could flip all by himself. And I knew he would.

Not saying a single word I somehow went through a series of emotions as I watched everyone rig the boats. I, of course, having never sailed before and my hands being too clammy, was of no help. I stood dangerously still,

Everything seemed to be going alright. I couldn’t see why I had been so scared. Then I looked to my left, and then to my right, and saw that we hadn’t made it out of the harbor yet. Soon, however, we would reach the open water, where with the tremendous winds we reached great speeds. Chris told me to lean backwards to pick up more speed. That meant my back would have to be 2 feet off of the water. I didn’t know how to react. I was beyond terrified. I kept letting these emotions out in my own way, the way where people don’t see them. But oh boy, I can tell you that they were flying out. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I just couldn’t shake.

It finally happened though, the Sunfish tipped due to the help of Chris, who stood up and pushed down on the bow. I plummeted into the seamingly freezing water and started to panic. I desperately clung to the boat, trying to get it back up. After what seemed like forever Chris seemed to easily flip the boat and I quickly scrambled in. And then we were back on our way.

That sinking feeling started to eventually wear off by itself though. I started to enjoy my time. I would lean back, testing how far I could go, and how fast we could make the boat skip across the waves. I would get a rush of adrenaline, and who knows, maybe even a smile came across my lips. After an hour or two we got back to the harbor. I wanted to go again. I had gotten rid of that fear. I had sailed, I had capsized, and I had gotten back up. Having gotten rid of those emotions I previously had, I realized that sailing wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be. Perhaps I exhausted them too much, and that was fine by me.

After this adventure I felt like I could conquer the world, and maybe it was even time to lay waste to some of my other fears. Sailing was my gateway into a whole new life, one where I had more chances to enjoy myself. A life where I could fulfill my occasional fix of adrenaline, and one where I also experienced that smile filled with happiness that I longed so much. I learned that in fact the sea could not be restrained, but if you managed to ride the wave you could go anywhere. Not everything in life can be kept under control or within our limits. So, why does the human being struggle so hard to face off against forces that can not be beaten?