The summer of 2017, freshman year wasn’t very good for me. I went through a really bad breakup, after the breakup I didn’t hang out with the right people, and my parents weren’t getting along very good. I was with this person for 2 and a half years, we were very close and spent every single bit of time we could with each other, I wasn’t only attached to him but I was attached to his family and friends too.  

Towards the end of my freshman year, we broke up and that was really hard on me. I choose him over everyone else, even my friends, I didn’t really have any friends left. I got in a very low state, I didn’t want to go anywhere, be anywhere, be with anyone, or do anything. I just wanted to sleep, honestly I didn’t think there was anything left to fight for. I felt like I had nothing else left, I gave him my all. I went in and out of this state for the summer, I started hanging out with people who weren’t good for me and I wasn’t doing very good things. I would sneak out every night to go to parties, during those parties things happened that shouldn’t of. I eventually got caught towards the end of the summer, but I still found a way to get around it.

My parents were really stressed out and disappointed because of what I’ve done, that caused them to fight more, triggered them getting mad at each other more easily. My brother has always been rude, he just turned 13 and thinks he’s “sooo bad”. I’ve tried to get along with him and do things with him, even things that he likes to do, like fishing, playing video games, playing with his dog, make him lunch, make him something to eat, ect. Anything that anyone does for him, is wrong or not the way he wants it. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself, I hope it’s just a stage but he’s been like this for a while now. My parents will ground him, spank him, take his phone, take his game console away, make him stay in his room, they’ve tried everything, and it just doesn’t seem to work, he really just doesn’t care and he only thinks about himself.

When the school year started back up, I drifted away from the wrong kinds of people and I went back to not really talking to anyone, I was still really upset over the breakup. When I came home from school on a Tuesday night, my parents were still at work and me and my brother started arguing, all because I asked him to do his chores before my mom got home, which we should always do after school, so it shouldn’t of been a problem, he just wanted to do what HE wanted to do. He didn’t want to pick his mess up so he called me a bunch of names, threw a remote at me then yelled “I don’t even know why you talk to me, I don’t even want you here, no one loves you. Leave me alone and kill yourself.” Even if he had a bad day, he shouldn’t of said anything like that or reacted in that kind of way, I would never do that to him.

What my brother had said really hurt my feelings at the time, I didn’t know how to react or what to say. I just shrugged my shoulders, shook my head and walked away. I walked to the bathroom and locked myself in it, taking a bath always makes me feel better. My mom got home and started my favorite dinner; pineapple chicken, mash potatoes/gravy and corn, because she knew I was really upset. My mom knew about my brother throwing a fit but I didn’t tell her what he said, maybe if I would’ve, then I wouldn’t of done what I did.

After dinner got done, my mom went grocery shopping. I couldn’t stop thinking about what my brother said, it wouldn't get out of my head. I was so emotional, I went into my moms room and took the whole bottle of benadryl that was on her night stand, that bottle had 42 pills in it. I wasn't really thinking anything of it, I wasn’t thinking anything at all. I was just really hurt and tired of everything. I ended up in the hospital for a week, I got really behind in school so that made things even harder on me. The way the pills affected me, really scared me. I was seeing people, talking to people, touching people who weren't really there, still to this day, I still think they were there. I could actually see them, I really thought and still do think they were real. I ripped my IV out more than 3 times, I couldn't control when I needed to use the restroom, it was horrible. I still don’t remember everything that happened. I would never do anything like that EVER again, it was very scary for me and now that I think of it, it was very stupid and ignorant of me, the situation makes me feel ridiculous. No one should ever feel the way I did, no matter what. I want to be someone who changes other people's thoughts and feelings about themselves. I want to lift someone's confidence up more than it was before.
Asking me why I want to be a psychologist is kind of like asking “What is the point of eating?” We all face questions about the meaning of life, theres a lot of loneliness in the world and at times, things can seem really dark and not worth fighting for. To be able to keep someone company and help them on their journey of understanding themselves and how they change, would be such a privilege for me.  I want to be that place where others can come to breathe, to experience complete acceptance, positive thinking, and make different visions for themselves. I want to have a relationship with them that makes those things possible.

Psychologists are people who counsel someone who has or had life or emotional problems, they study human behavior and mental processes. I want to be a child phycologist when I’m older because I really like helping people physically and mentally. I’m a really good listener and I love listening to people's lives, it’s very interesting to me. I would rather work with kids than adults because I feel like kids are more emotional and need more help than adults. Even though I really want to be a Phycologists, I honestly don’t want to go to college for so long. I think going to college that long is a waste of my time, I don't want to spend half of my life and all of my money on school when I could be focusing on something more important to me like my family, or a career. If I couldn’t be a phycologist then I’d still want to have a career where I work with kids and their emotional states.

Phycology is very interesting to me. When you know what your doing and your research, you could figure out so many things about not only your brain, but other people's brain too. I’m also very empathetic, I feel other people's feelings a lot more than a lot of other people can. Therefore, I can try to understand where that person is coming from a lot more than someone who isn't empathetic or went through something like I did. I think I would be very good at this career because I would not only be their psychologist, but I would help them think better about themselves, which makes me and them feel so much better mentally and physically!

There can be good and bad things about becoming a phycologist. According to Career Profiles, the advantages are “the reward of helping people overcome their challenges, flexible work schedules, high earning potential, and ability to work for yourself”. There are disadvantages of being a phycologist too. According to Career Profiles, “dealing with clients can be very stressful and draining, not only is your schedules flexible, but it can be quite erratic. Having to setup your own practice, dealing with billing issues, dealing with a lot of paperwork” this job could be very stressful at times.

To become a psychologist is honestly pretty difficult, it would challenge me to work very hard. I would need an undergraduate degree which is 4-5 years of collage. Plus a doctorate in psychology which is 4-7 years of graduate school. Most people will spend 8-12 years in school in order to be a Psychologist. This is my dream job, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to do it because of the collage, not only do I think it takes too much time, I think it’s really expensive for such a long time.

Furthermore, becoming a Psychologist would be so great for me, I absolutely love to help people and talk about their feelings, emotions, past, ect. I don’t want to be some regular counselor, I want to actually help someone change their thoughts and emotions into something way better than they were before. I can also relate to a lot of things, that would make it easier on the person to be able to feel comfortable. I would love to help people through their problems and make them feel better about themselves.