When I was very young, before I even started Kindergarten my parents got divorce. I was at an important stage of my life where long term memories just started to form, this story is how I remember why my parents divorced and how at such a young age I coped with it.

It was a late fall evening the air though as cold as winter still had the crisp smell of fall wafting through it, as though this was it last hurrah before the nothingness of winter air set in. The concert was tan but at night it looked more grey than anything else. The hallway was dark all but for a light in the distance. I walked slowly it was late past my bedtime I knew that getting caught would mean consequences. But there was something special about that light that night it glowed brighter than anything else that I had scene before. I turned the corner.
And I saw it this time full on the lights of the playhouse where brighter than anything i could have ever expected even from around the corner of the city block I could see their blaze, but I was never in my wildest dream expecting them to have this much force behind them, sure it wasn’t my first time in downtown Chicago but the lights they are so much more at night, the drowned out all of the headlights of the cars it seemed as though sidewalk lamp posts were useless. As I approached their was so much noise that it scared me.

The noise was filled with so much rage the closer and closer I got to the light the more powerful and aggressive they became. I slowed down my interest in the light had all but burned out I was scared. The noise. It was more powerful than the light sure the light caught my eye in the darkness of the night but sound went through me make feel cold what type of monster could ever make that much noise. How!

It was the crowd bigger than I had ever seen before full grown men and women dress in classy suits and skin tight cocktail dress. Who new that these lights were able to cause such a powerful change in people. For some it bought the best out of them here quite frequently an “excuse me, pardon me”,but the force and rage didn’t come from those who change for the good under the lights it came from the ones who became wicked and aggressive.

For every ten
“thank you”s heard there was always one “asshole” that ruined all the goodness created under the lights. Suddenly a burst of noise louder than ever before, then I was drawn towards the real light. Ones that seemed as though they were made from gold. The light I saw was only the preview these were the ones that drew in such a noise.

The entrance the cold cement walls that formed an arch I peer inside there I saw my mom and dad. The noise was him it was what made me feel cold. But how? He was my dad he was the nicest man in the world how is it possible that this power this anger how is it that the he could even act in such a way he hated when me and my brother yelled. How is it that he was bothered by himself yelling. The noise he created feared me I looked down not able to face it anymore I still remember what I was wearing that night.

It was a white shirt with three buttons at the top
It had small dump trucks and was made out of the best fabric
It was newly washed and smelled like citrus
The pants
Brown Katkis
That matched the dumptrucks
In it I felt
Like an adult

In it I felt the fleece it was warm, an it comforted me. The noise scared me so much that without the warmth of the fleece I didn’t know what I was going to do. I stood there looking at the ground. How was this possible.
I looked up at the grand carvings painted in gold next to long strips of red velvet that cascaded was a mystery to me, how is it that nobody noticed how each of these golden carving shined like a thousand stars. I was always someone who was captivated and inspired by the lights more so then the sound and it seemed as though the noise even with this much beauty was able to wash out any goodness.

I stared at my mother she was cornered in the kitchen in her purple velvet pajamas even though she had taken of her makeup she still was glowing, but my dad raise his hand. Her face had been shrouded in a shadow without the bright light I could see her eyes brown with streams of tears pouring out, her lip quivering as she tried to stop herself. The noise when my mother made when my dad slapped her, hurt me, my heart ached for her. On her knees she now was in complete darkness my father stood above her. There was no noise anymore the room went silent.

Behind my mom the lights came up the show was starting.
My mom saw me, she stood up

The light behind her made her look heavenly, she wasn’t shrouded in darkness anymore, sure she could never escape it completely wherever there is light there is dark. But now instead of having it be out of reach it, the light pushes her forward.