I had seen him on Sunday. I could remember that broken face, even though I didn't want to. It was full of hurt and sorrow. It didn’t even look like the grandfather I knew. He had been lying there forever. Anyone that had walked into the back room of my grandparents house, knew that he was uncomfortable. His aching body was dressed in a white gown with little brown bears all over it. I could only see the top half of his body because the bottom half was covered in three white, thin, sheets that were ironed, and placed perfectly on him. My grandfather’s body was still, he was cold. I remember looking at his face and seeing his red nose. It was like he had been sitting outside in the snow, all day, and no one knew he was out there. I thought to myself, why don’t they have the air turned up? There was a caregiver right by the thermostat, and they saw my grandfather, freezing. Why didn’t they help him? He’s already sick enough. I remember calming down and finally having to say goodbye, not knowing if it would be the last time I would see him, alive.
        

It was now Tuesday, the 24th of August, 2011 and by 9:54 A.M. This day already felt off.
         

My mom woke me up a little earlier than usual to get me donuts before school at my favorite donut shop in town. It was the one in the little shopping center by my grandparents house. The one by a little nail place that always over priced their manicures and pedicures. My mom gave me her debit card, which I’m surprised she trusted me with, and told me to order what I wanted. With that small, rectangular, piece of plastic, I could buy practically every donut in that store, but I didn't. I asked the kind, Asian, lady for two kolaches and a cinnamon twist; the usual. I proceeded back to the car and off to jail, I mean school, we went.
           

“Hey Mom, is Papa going to be okay?” I blurted out, anxiously, breaking the silence.
           

“Honey, we have to realize that Papa is really sick, and we do not want him to hurt any more,” my mom said calmly, in the best way possible. I just don’t want to lose him. All I could do during this car ride was stare out the window and look at everything that caught my eye. Basically all of Forney was a grass field so that was all I was looking at, one hay stack to another, until my eyes caught glimpse of the McDonald’s in the distance. I could immediately feel my eyes filling with water and my mind drifting off to memories at the little, yet big place in my mind.
           

“Welcome to McDonald’s, this is Cindy. How may I take your order?”
           

“Girls, what do y’all want? Three dipped cones, like the regular?” Papa said in the sweetest, healthiest way possible.
           

“Yes please!” My sisters and I all said in unison from the back seat of my Papa’s black two-door pickup truck, that he has had as long as I could remember.
           

“You know Papa, even though we come here every day after school, I will never get tired of doing this with you!” I said as Papa handed me the ice cream cone with chocolate all over it.
        

I began to feel an object shaking me and come to mind it was my mom, and my thoughts rambled back into reality. I caught sight of my school and I dreaded walking in. My mom wiped the tears off my face and below my eyes, and said something to me, but I didn't quite hear it; I was still trying to process where I was. I looked down at my shirt and saw that it was soaked, not realizing that I cried so much. Taking a deep breath, I didn’t know that me stepping out of my mom’s car, meant I was stepping into one of the worst days of my life.

***
        

*Dingggg* The sound of the bell rang in my ear in the worst spot it could possible hit, and caused a slight pain in my ear. I looked up and saw that I caught myself standing right under the bell and realized that was why it hurt so much when it rang. I walked out of my 7th period class and headed for the door to leave this prison cell I was temporarily living in. Maybe it was just because I was going through a lot, but school has never been worse than this. I thought to myself, I’m just in fifth grade, how will high school be? I proceeded out of the navy blue, school colored doors that almost take two people to push open because they are so heavy, and spotted my mother's red Nissan Altima. It was quite dirty, but I couldn’t tell until I got really close and went to grab the passenger car door. Her windows were tinted so I could hardly see her until I opened the door and saw her puffy eyes. They were red and swollen; it was like she had been crying, and the feeling of my stomach actually dropping rushed through my body. I immediately knew why she was upset, but I didn’t want to admit it; I didn’t want it to be true. Her perfectly put on makeup and mascara was now smeared all over her face and onto her shirt. I always told her she never needed makeup. She is the most beautiful person that I know, and seeing her like this, she still looked as beautiful as always. I don’t know how she does it. I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the agonizing news I would receive once I stepped foot in the car.
         

“Momma, what’s wrong?” I said, even though I already had an idea of what was going on.
         

“Honey,” she paused trying to control her tears, “your grandfather passed away  today baby.” And at that moment the whole world stopped. Everything was frozen, or at least I was. It was like everything else around me was going, but as if it was all in slow motion. My mom was saying more to me, but it was all a blur. I knew it was coming, but you can try to prepare yourself however much you want to, but until it actually happens it's a whole different story. When everything began to come back into play I realized where my mother was taking me: to my grandparents house. As much as I want to see my grandmother right now, it would be an even more of a disaster when I step foot into that house and see an empty bed with my best friend no longer laying there.
         

As we pulled up into the cracked and stained, concrete driveway, my stomach dropped and I began to feel nauseous. I proceeded to get out of the car and I dreaded walking into their house. The roses in my grandmother’s flower bed were dead, and all water was soaked out of them by the sun. They were no longer red, instead they were a brownish tannish color, all crinkled up into a ball almost. It was like the roses symbolized the inside of the house. The house was filled with death, as bad as it sounds. The colorful pictures on the wall, no longer contained color through my eyes, even though the pictures had not changed at all. I shifted my thoughts away from the pictures and directed my attention to my Papa’s room. It was dark, just like the whole house. From the living room, all I could see was the light that snuck into his room from the small gap in through the curtains. I did not want to continue walking, but I did anyway because I know that my sobbing grandmother needed me. I get closer and closer to the room, slowly sliding my hands against the cold wall, not wanting to let go. I catch a glimpse of the empty bed and suddenly all feeling in my legs was gone. I dropped to my knees before my grandma and began to sob with her, only mine was louder because I had just started.
         

I scream. I scream so loud hoping that this nightmare I was living in would stop and my papa would appear again, lying peacefully in the bed. Looking up from my soaked hands full of tears, I stared at my broken grandmother. Her eyes were filled with hurt and it was like I could see her heart shatter into a billion more pieces when she finally made eye contact with me.
           

“Baby, come here,” She whispered as softly as possible. I climbed up in her lap and began to listen to what she had to say.
           

“You know he would not want us crying like this for him right now. He wouldn’t want us sitting here, sobbing, and not celebrating because we aren’t having to take care of him anymore.” She continued, “Let me tell you this, sweet heart. Your grandfather told me three things before his last breaths. They were that he loved me and our family so very much, that he will see me soon, and the last one, was to stop crying. He said to me multiple times to stop, but I never did, and now, that's what we are going to do right now.”
          

I gave her the biggest hug, soaking her shirt in the tears that were placed across my face and said, “I love you,” in the deepest way possible. I felt as if my Papa laid a hand on my shoulder and whispered into my ear that is was going to be alright. In that moment, a feeling of relief flew over my body. I finally realized that everything was going to be alright and that everything happens for a reason. My Papa was in a better place now. Instead of suffering, he is living a whole new life, carefree and happier. I began to daydream of all of the things he could possibly be doing in Heaven right now. I pictured him playing dominoes with Jesus, except that the white dominoes from Earth were now pure gold. I also pictured him sitting at the feet of God, laughing their tails off together as my Papa filled God up with all his many stories. The last thing I pictured was my best friend looking down on me now, sitting on a white cloud, smiling, knowing that I finally realized, everything was going to be okay.

In Loving Memory of my Best Friend and Grandfather
George V.
August 24th, 2011