Summer was coming to an end and I wasn't prepared for what was in store that day. I had prayed continuously for this moment to never come. I was in my room when I heard my dad yell across the house,
             

“Are y’all ready to go?”
             

“I think I am going to stay home tonight if that's okay?” I asked confidently. My dad was alright with me staying. He had explained to my brother and I that this might be the last time we would see my grandpa. He was in bad condition all summer. To me, it was easier to not face my emotions and just not think about it. I heard my brothers door open as he said,
            

“Graci, why don't you want to come with us?” He sounded annoyed with me, like he had to do this all the time when he never really did.
            

“You know it's just easier for me to stay home,” I said as a look of disappointment spread across his face. I had already felt myself being persuaded just by watching him stand there at my door frame.
            

“No, you're going to regret that, grab your jacket,” he said firmly.
            

“Alright,” I said as I nodded in agreement and walked past him.

***
              

In the car ride to the hospital it was quiet and all I could think about was myself, how I would come across rude because I can't show emotion. For guys, it's a given to be strong, but girls are supposed to be fragile and break down in times of despair. When the thought of pain came across my mind, I hid it and covered it up with happier thoughts. Death isn't something that made me upset. I strongly believed that God would take care of everything and I knew that my grandpa would be in a better place. That was one thought that soothed my emotions.

***
             

In the hospital halls, it was bright and the walls were boring. As my family walked throughout the hospital, the hallways seemed to grow longer. As we rode the elevator up five flights, it felt like fifty. I wasn't aloud in the room at first, because something was wrong, but no one had told me that. My brother and I were told to wait in a separate room, which was supposed to make you feel at home but I felt so separated from the warm feeling home gives you.
              

It took forever for my mother to come around the corner to tell us to follow her. As we reached the door to his room I saw a purple sticker by the room number, I didn't know the hospital codes all too well, but I knew that wasn't a good sign.

***
              

The room seemed to have expanded over the summer. I noticed that it was now dark outside, but every inch of the room was filled with light. In some way, it resembled heaven. The nurses explained how they had put my grandpa on some type of medicine that would free him of pain. They said that he was awake and could hear everyone, but he couldn't talk. He was making a loud noise as if he was snoring, but it was just the medicine settling. I stood there listening to everyone talk to him as he was slowly fading away. The only pain that I felt was for my grandmother, I could never imagine having to let go of someone who you loved with absolutely all of your heart. She was trying to hold back the tears from falling out of her eyes. Everyone was quiet and waited patiently as we watched my grandpa. I  was trying to think of his thoughts in that very moment. I figured that they would be joyful just because of his relationship with God and how he loved just like Jesus did. I was caught in a daydream during a prayer imagining heaven opening up to him. I pictured that angels were surrounding him has he saw gigantic clouds that filled the whole place. Underneath the clouds were a reflection of white and gold beams extending a path to heaven. When it was my turn to tell him something, I simply recited memories I had with him and told him of how he made my childhood fun. I reassured him that we would all meet him up in heaven someday.
              

The time came when my mom told my dad to take my brother and I home. As I walked out of the room my brother comforted me with a hug as I felt his emotion drain from him. I had already came to the realization that God had taken care of everything and He had made me at peace with my feelings. I'm sure that my dad and I were the only two with that feeling. Walking through the hospital a second time, the halls were dim and the walls weren't white anymore.

***
         

Around a month later, was his funeral. It seemed like everyone had come to the same peace that I found the night he passed. The night before my mom was stressed out because we couldn't find a dress for me to wear. This was the first time I needed black for an occasion. My room was a mess and every member of my family decided that they needed to come look in my mirrors instead of theirs.
              

“Mom, I have nothing to wear. This black dress is too short” I said annoyed. I see my brother in the hall flaunting his outfit as he brags,
             

“Look how cute I am, and oh, Graci, that dress is ugly.”
             

“Well, let's go through my closet I guess,” my mom says as she shoos my brother out.
             

“Okay,” I said as I started making a mess of my mom’s room.
            

“Here,” I said holding up another dress, “I'll just wear this one.” I see my mother smile as she told me how my grandfather had picked that out for her when she was younger.

***
              

We walked into my grandparent’s church that Saturday morning for a worship service honoring my grandpa. I had a feeling of excitement for my grandpa, knowing that he would be happy watching us. I smiled as I passed by the other guest. My feet remained walking down the aisle, but my smile seemed to stay with the person behind me. As I found my seat, I looked back as I sat down unsure if my seat would meet me.

***
              

The sound of music flooded through my head as the feeling of God’s presence was around me. I was filled with happiness just being in the church that day. For some reason chills multiplied through my body as I was worshiping.