The room they gave me was a pale lavender, the walls were worn and cracked. There was a small desk and chair in the corner. A little window looking out towards the forest. I could hear the wind whistling in the trees. The birds chirping and the sun shining. In the distance I could hear children laughing from across the street. A big picture of a peacock hung from the wall. A petite bed; about my size sat next to the wall. I sat on the bed and sighed. I felt relieved, I was finally free. Free from the bullies, free from my parents, free from my pathetic life.

I remember the first time I ever cut. The sharp cool blade on my white skin. Blood pouring from my new open wound. I cut again and again, over and over, day after day. It soon became an everyday habit. From that day on I was a nobody, a misfit, a mistake. I hated myself, my hatred for myself grew as I grew. Then the thought hit me, what if I died? Heffy Hannah would be no more. I started planning my death. The day finally came October 28, it seemed like any other day. The sun was shining birds were chirping. But I knew it was different. We started our long journey to school. It was a usual day; mom screaming at me telling me what did i wrong and needed to improve. I looked out the window and breathed. It was finally time, the pain, the hurt would be no more. I opened the car door and jumped.

Sadly I am still here, sitting on this bed, in this room . Still breathing, still living in this world. My plan failed; but in a way I was relieved. Maybe just maybe I would decide to live.

October 12, 2016

Sitting on my bedroom floor, looking out the window. Snuggling with Mr. Snuggles Snape. I think back to that day, “October 28th” “Two years ago….” Had it really been that long? I look at my wrist and see the scars… I breath in and out. Snuggling back into Mr. Snape I can finally say I am glad to be alive. Nobody’s perfect...but I am me. I am proud to me. Smiling I think of all the great and amazing friends and teachers I have met this year. Without them...I would be nothing. I am happy to be living in this world, which I will always cherish with my friends and teachers that make me who I am. October 28 will be a day I will always remember. The day I could have died… but survived.