It was noon before we would finally get on the road, heading towards Tennessee. My father, and I would be making our countless hour journey in a rust bucket of a semi truck car hauler, and I would be changing how my mother looks at me forever, just because of her. I will never forget that truck due to its dirty windows, the greasy, gritty, gray, grimy stained seats, the smell that smacks your nostrils, and makes your stomach curdle as soon as you open the door, and how compacted it was in the two seater truck; I felt trapped, just like I felt trapped with my mom's closed mindedness.

Telling my best friend about her; the light of my life was much easier. I sat in my room not trapped, or confined to a two seater truck, and she was up north it was by far easier. She was accepting, and supportive, she said “everything will be okay messy Jessie, love you”  unlike my mother who will soon find out, and answer with a different response.

It was a decent day, high 90’s, and the sun was super intense that day other than the sun, it was a normal day for the beginning of August; what wasn’t normal was what would occur later on in this day, and how dramatically it would change the rest of my life from there on out. We loaded the semi truck full of our duffel bags, and food, making us prepared for the next couple of days that were ahead of my father, and I.
With countless hours until we would arrive in Tennessee, I pressed play on my iPod, and started daydreaming; I realized my thoughts began drifting in her direction, I knew it was true, but was I ready to admit it to myself, and everyone else, and was I ready for what could come.

It was wrong, or at least that was what I was taught for years to think by my parents. I have numerous people who love, and support me.

It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times.It was time, but I was still confused. I can do this I thought as I pulled out my phone. I realized this was a perfect moment to tell my mother something that might break her heart, and change our lives. I’m four states away, and she can't do anything about what I'm about to tell her.

Nervously I clicked on messages, then mom, and I stopped could I really do this? I remember sitting there for what seemed like forever watching the bar click on, and off waiting for me to type something, anything, but all I could do is think.

That was the worst, just thinking about what I’m about to do, and still watching the bar clicking on, and off. This was it now, or never I typed “mom I’m bisexual”, and hit send so hard I thought I broke my phone shockingly I didn't, and I quickly put it into my pocket. I remember my first thought as soon as I did that it was What have I done? Believe me, I thought I was crazy, or stupid.

Now I think wow at that moment I finally had accepted myself for who I was, and what I believe in, and that was one of the best things I could have ever done for myself, and I see that now. I truly was happy and decided to be a hazel grace because now I'm more open to my family with  relationships, life, and about myself. I get to live life to the fullest, and I don’t care what people think of me.

Coming out has been less dramatic after it became a normal thing, and since it got legalized in all 50 states, and yes I've lost friends, but now I know who really will be there for me at the end, and I’ve gained friends who will always be supportive, and there for me, my mother is still not fully accepting to the whole idea of her daughter being attracted to another female, but she is better than my father. Hers and I relationship has not changed like my fathers, and I. My mother and I's relationship has grown closer since I told her, and my father and I's relationship has drifted apart.

Now messy Jessie isn’t going to live like Nessi, I can be who I want, not a copy of what I wasn’t, and I’m not nervous to be open about this fact about myself; it’s a part of me. A response shot a vibration through my hand I'm shaking, I nervously open the message not knowing what would be on it “call me” is all it said, but I couldn’t I was sitting next to my homophobic father; I couldn’t talk especially in the compacted trap as in the two-seater truck with him, and I don’t think I could physically talk at that moment either.

A week later was the moment of truth I got picked up by my mother I got in, and I was smacked with question “why do you think this? are you sure you're bisexual? and not just gay, does your dad know? I hope you know I love you”

I shot back answers at her “because I fell for her, and that was just me, yes mom I'm bisexual, and no dad does not know”