Perfection: the state of being free from all errors or flaws.

She oozes confidence. She mastered thinking highly of herself to ensure that others would as well. She was taught to put herself together in the eye of the public to insure the illusion would never falter. She practiced thinking before she spoke and smiling often. She learned to hide the bad days, either behind a cup of coffee or an extra pump of foundation. She learned to strive for perfection in all aspects of life. Only perfection is just an act people try to carry out, hoping to make others confident in the abilities of the poser.

Every idea begins in the place of greatness. The part of your mind where your trophies are displayed and your medals reflect dancing light across the room. The place where your high-fives reside and your smile shines through your eyes. Every idea begins in the place where you are the cliche that rides off into the sunset with a loved one showering you with their admiration. Hiding among these rows of success lies the failures. You put them there hoping they will be over-looked, or maybe disappear completely behind the happiness. Only they don’t. It is like one dirty sock on a spotless floor; you can’t help but notice it. Your eye is drawn to the error condemning the room imperfect.

Carried with me is a candle. The candle that lights the display room is home to my trophies. My candle is one that I light from both ends. My candle is one the shines the brightest, but burns out the quickest. My determination for perfection is what urges me to light it. I light my candle knowing that I will regret it, that people are trying to save me from my own destruction when they tell me no, but this desire for perfection is like a drug. It controls me. It consumes me.

I begin by looking at a new responsibility as a new opportunity, a way to justify my addiction. A new way to achieve a higher level, one step closer to perfection. It can’t be too much more than I already carry. This will be the extra step to get me there. The one missing piece to attaining perfection. I pick up the match and show no hesitation, making my addiction that much more powerful; my candle is lit. How amazing my life will be when I pull it all off. How much better I will look in the eyes of others. Just how close can I get before I am lost in the performance. As sickening as it is, the urge for perfection is for the audience; for the people who may never know me.

My flame is one that hardly ever waivers. Its shines bright and hot. My candle smell like peppermint, fresh and clean -how my ideas always begin. When my candle is lit the spark cascades over everything in view. Everything is better, stronger and more passionate after my candle is ignited. The strong flame glows with soft, golden light that easily catches onto others around me. My candlelight shines through my eyes and beams in unison with my smile. It illuminates a clear and concise path to perfection. However, it is true what people say, a candle burns brightest just before it dies out.

When my candle is burnt out I am lost. Even though everything is exactly as it was, I cannot see it, therefore, it is not there. Out of sight, out of mind goes my victories, my confidence, and my road to success. I am enfolded in the darkness and the cold that strikes to the bone with shocking pain. In the dark the lingering smell of peppermint chokes me. The stillness paralyzes me. The hot, sticky wax ruins my goals.

My candle is not a real thing, just a symbol for the ways I overwork myself. Just a saying I hear all too often from my parents. My strive for perfection is real. My desire to please others is real. As twisted as it is, it is what makes me Sammy Moore. I give others the power to determine my worth; I allow others to blow out my candle.

My candle forces me to recognize my failures, but it also allows me to notice how insignificant they are in comparison to my accomplishments. The darkness brought on by the termination of my flame returns me to reality. The reality that perfection is impossible to obtain, the reality where it is acceptable to have flaws. My candle guides me to the goals I want to achieve, but also through the obstacles that will improve my character. Through my mistakes I am able to find a different dream or idea to re-light my candle. I return to my place of trophies and award. From my “dream it, do it “ frame of mind I can start over and hope for perfection in a different area. My candle is never gone, and will never go away. The wax of the candle will reset and be ready for all my future dreams and goals; all I need is the spark of passion to reignite the flame.