It has been 5 years since that tragedy happened. It has been 5 years when you turned away from me. Your image is slowly escaping my mind, and I am afraid. I’m afraid that tomorrow or soon, I’ll totally forget your face.

I could still remember on January 8, 2003---it was the day before your birthday. I was busy thinking of a gift---precious enough to give you. Then you came and told me you were leaving. You said your family’s transferring on States and you’re going to celebrate your 14th birthday there—without me.

I was totally shocked by the serendipity. We have shared a myriad of things for almost seven years, and now, you’ll leave me? I was sad and with this, I was angry. I shouted at you and you frowned and I know that you’re throat is slowly swelling—it’s as if, leaving me is against your will. But I ignored that. I said bad things right before your very eyes and you cried, turned around and left me (it’s because I loved you and I’m afraid I won’t see you again).

It was late when I realized I was wrong (I was just 8 back then, I can’t think of any good!). I wanted to go to your house and apologize but “pride” pulls me, keeps me from doing the thing I should’ve done before. I waited and waited for you to bid bye and that’ll be the time I’ll apologize.

Hours passed and there was no sign of YOU! Then my mom knocked at my bedroom door and told me the terrible news. Your car crashed into a tree and fell on a cliff---you and your parents? --- GONE… I got choked up by my conscience. Tears fell from my eyes of blue as I hugged the koala bear you gave me at my 8th birthday. I was on deep melancholy. Everything became poignant as your favorite schmaltz played in the living room. I could not sleep and could not stop crying. I can’t believe I wasn’t able to apologize to you—and now, it’s too late to regret—you’re already gone.

If only you were here, I would’ve said “sorry” a million times. If time could go back, I would’ve told you I loved you. I did those awful things because I was afraid to let go, it’ll hurt me badly. I know it’s your time and I can’t do anything about it. I know you’ve already forgiven me but my conscience is slowly choking my inner nerves.

If only you were here….