Everything was different without him here. He was always the one to brighten a room and make everyone laugh, even when we didn’t want to smile. Everyone that met him loved him because he was so full of life, so funny without being hurtful, and he would make even the most boring situations fun. Evan was the person I could always count on when I needed advice about something, he would always stick up for me, no matter what the situation was or who was involved. He was the one to wipe my tears away when I was hurt, he was my best friend. Now my brother was gone, and I wouldn’t be seeing him for two years.

It’s hard to say when it all started, and by “it”, I mean Evan’s struggles with drugs and alcohol. Maybe it was when he was in middle school and started hanging out with the “cool kids”, they would BMX every day and started smoking cigarettes. As he got older it gradually turned into worse things, like a chain reaction, getting worse. Cigarettes turned into alcohol, alcohol turned into marijuana, marijuana turned into popping prescription pills, and that escalated to cocaine, LCD, ecstasy, PCP, and heroin. He became reliant on these drugs, as well as alcohol, to get away from reality, and I began seeing major physical and mental changes in Evan. His eyes were no longer the gorgeous green eyes I looked forward to seeing every day, the kind of green that pushed through the crisp snow reminding you that winter was coming. Now they were a dull shade of green, like deep forest pools. They had lost their energy. I noticed changes in his body, as he began losing weight at a fast rate. His mood was unpredictable from day to day, we never knew what to expect when he came home. Some days he would walk in the door and immediately tell the family that he loved them, give us hugs, and spend time with all of us, laughing and bonding. On others, he would walk in the door, slam it shut, and begin yelling and freaking out about every little thing. I still remember how his face would get tense when he would get mad, how his eyebrows would furrow, his muscles tighten, and a vein in his forehead always struck out to me. When he was having withdrawals or when he was drunk he would always behave this way, and he would get violent. He would push anyone around him no matter who it was, and threaten them. This isn’t my brother. This isn’t Evan. This isn’t him speaking, it’s the drugs. Every time it happened I would repeat those words over and over in my head to try to calm down, because he honestly scared me. I knew that he was very strong and was capable of anything, and my heart felt as if it were about to pop out of my chest, my baby blue eyes would get wide, and I’d have a pout on my lip through it all, usually watching from a distance. I knew that Evan had problems, I just didn’t want to admit to myself how bad they were, and that he needs serious help.
In October of 2012 we got the call. Evan was in the County Jail, he had a warrant out for arrest and had been taken in. Evan’s warrant was because he stole scrap metal from the Renaissance Festival. Doesn’t seem like a big deal, does it? What they also mentioned is that he was in trouble for assaulting a cop. When Evan tried to run from the cop, the cop tripped, and this counted as assault. That’s not fair, he didn’t even touch the cop. We found out his sentence was 2 years. MINIMUM. He was sent to the Marquette Branch Prison where our family would never get to see him. How am I going to survive 2 years without my brother here? I need him.
“ I hope you’re doing okay, Evan. I really miss you. The house is so quiet without you here, you always knew how to make things interesting,” I admitted, worried, as I spoke to my brother on the phone like I have every night since he’s been gone.
“I’m doing fine, Emma. I miss you and the rest of the family so much. My wrist still hurts because the cop broke it, they said it’ll be a while until I get the surgery…” I could hear the pain in the sound of his voice, he was trying to hold in the tears.
“ That’s stupid. If they keep holding the surgery off you could have permanent damage done... Evan, will you make me one promise?” I proposed.
“ Anything.” He answered.
“ When you get out, PLEASE get a new group of friends and stay away from drugs and alcohol.” I begged him, this was something that tore our family apart and I never want to see him suffer like that again.
“ I promise. I gotta go now. Goodnight, I love you so much.” He replied in a serious, meaningful voice.
“ I love you too.” As the phone call ended I began crying my eyes out, barely able to breathe.
This was tearing my family apart. We all knew deep in our hearts that one day Evan’s actions were going to catch up with him, we just weren’t prepared for it to happen. If he didn’t go to prison for assault, it would’ve been something else, that may have had a longer sentence. Every night I would hear my mother sobbing in her room, talking to my dad about it, and I could hear the pain in their voices. Family holidays, family vacations, cookouts, EVERYTHING was different without him here.
I continued to talk to him every night on the phone and he told me many stories of what happened in prison. He told me stories of the violence that went on every day and how these high-time criminals had tried to get into fights with him. How there were inmates that would do each other’s hair, and how there were also people that would do tattoos. My brother was stupid enough to get a tattoo, on his bicep, of barbed wire, which he paid three cigarettes for. He told me of the many struggles he had in prison and how hard it was to deal with, especially because he had no one there to talk to and to comfort him at the end of the day. One positive thing about his time away is that he had been reading the bible a lot and a pastor would visit the prison weekly to talk to him. He was determined to make his life better at this point and I was immensely proud of him.
Fast forward to January 2013 when my brother got released from Marquette Prison. I remember waiting anxiously all day to see him… Finally that evening I heard the sound of the Ford Diesel truck pulling into the driveway. My face lit up, a big smile from cheek to cheek immediately came to my face, and the blue became brighter in my eyes. I saw him and held him tight in my arms, my face squished into his chest, I could smell the fresh scent of cleanliness and cologne, and I could tell that he had gotten bigger. Then I saw his face and he looked great. He looked so much healthier from the last time I saw him. Evan was fresh-cut and clean shaved, his skin was glowing like lights on a Christmas tree, his eyes were filled with color and happiness. I was so happy that I started crying when I saw him. My brother is home, this is unreal.
Life is all about the choices you make. Not everyone in prison is a bad person, each one may have just made one mistake that landed him/her in a really bad place. From the time you’re born you are faced with different choices every day that really have an impact on your life. Who you hang out with, whether or not you’re an honest person, how you treat others, your attitude towards life, your work ethic, your temper, everything affects your life more than you realize. As you grow up, you begin to be faced with tough choices and many people will give in to peer pressure. You will be asked to smoke cigarettes, to drink, to do drugs, to go to parties, and to have sex during your high school years. It’s okay to say no. You need to live your life for yourself not for other people. Do what makes you happy and don’t worry about other people’s opinions. Life choices can make or break you. It’s important to always try your best throughout your life to be a good, honest, and faithful person, to work your hardest in everything you do and all your relationships, and to be successful. One mistake can ruin your life forever, so be smart with the choices you make. My brother’s struggles with addiction have completely changed my life, and I know that I could never get into drugs and alcohol seeing first-hand what it did to him. It has also impacted my parents’ lives as well causing them to be stricter on me, praying that I go down the right path in life. Drugs and alcohol aren’t worth it, and this is one thing I will always believe.