(Boy's name),

While this letter may be totally awkward, very random, extremely long, and completely out of the blue, I feel that there are some things that really need to be said. Even though I did make a promise to (girl a) at the beginning of this year that I would finally tell you how I truly feel about you, I really needed to tell you this anyways.

I probably should start way back at the beginning. When I first moved here in 3rd grade, we were both in Mrs. (Last name)'s class, and frankly, I couldn't stand you. I thought you were a total slob, as evidenced by your insanely messy desk, which, more often than not, I was forced to help you clean up. I remember always being so frustrated that I sat next to you so much in class. Soon, (his sister) and (my sister) became friends, and so did our moms, and I was seeing you much more than I wanted to. Eventually, you started to grow on me, after many long nights at your house when both of my parents had to work. I remember climbing that big sea grape tree in your front yard. By the time we went into fourth grade, I had fallen head over heels for you (or as far as a fourth grader can fall.) My friends would tell me rumors about you, some of which were related to me, that you were going to "ask me out" and such ( all of which were probably complete BS.) Can you believe that we thought about dating in fourth grade? It seems crazy. Didn't you "date" (girl d) for a few weeks? I was really mad at her...

Do you remember that one time I came over to your house and we did karaoke? I set the whole thing up, and found what I thought was the perfect song, and memorized it in just a few days. I sang "What I'd Give" by Sugarland. I still remember all of the words. Afterward, (his sister) came up and asked if I sang the song for you. I still don't know how she caught on so fast.

I don't remember when I was told this, but one of my friends told me that you knew that I liked you. When I asked them how you knew, they said that you saw it in my eyes. That was probably the most romantic thing I'd ever heard...

I don't think too much really happened in fifth grade. I was pretty preoccupied with some stuff that was going on with (mean boy), but I remember being pretty freaked out when you died your hair for that movie.

In sixth grade, (girl c) came. You seemed to like her instantly, which really sucked. But then there was that night when the (another last name)'s had a party. You and (my best friend) were already there, and you came to get (my sister) and I. We played truth or dare with (best friend) , (her brother), and I, and (best friend) asked you who you liked. You agreed to tell her, but said that you were only going to tell her, not all of us. After, she told me that you said (girl a) and I, and I was over the moon. Later, we played Manhunt, and you and I hid in this perfect little spot in the neighbor's bushes. I think that that moment, those few short minutes huddled up together, have been my favorite in my entire life. When I asked you why you wouldn't tell all of us who you liked, you said it was because (friend's brother) was there. I was about to ask you to tell me who you liked then, but I couldn't muster up enough courage, and I have regretted it ever since. Months later, when I was talking about that night with (my best friend), she told me that, after she found us, you said that you thought you were going to get your first kiss. I really want to believe that you actually said that, but I don't think its true.

A few weeks after that night, (girl b) had her birthday party. You kissed me on my right cheek on her trampoline. It was, again, truth or dare, but it was still important, and I literally went to cloud nine.

Seventh grade was really rough for me, especially second semester. You asked (girl a) out on January 24, and I swear, my whole world just collapsed. There was a sleepover the weekend before, and they were talking about you and her, and I was just sitting there in the corner with my headphones on, blaring sad music. They never seem to notice when I'm sad... That day, I knew you were going to ask her out, it was all they were talking about at lunch, and in Spanish,I practically lost it, right then and there, and I rushed off to the bathroom with tears threatening to spill down my face. When the bell rang, I flew out of there, and when I was almost out at parent pickup, I realized that I had left my jacket in my desk. When i was leaving again, I saw (girl a) hurrying to the bus, and (girl b), (girl c) and a few others pushing you behind her, and yelling for you to go, to hurry, to ask her already. I wish I had just left the jacket. When I got home, my mom and sister left for an hour to go somewhere, and I just closed all of the blinds and lay on the couch just bawling my eyes out. It was the worst day in my entire life.
For the months after that, I was in a state of total depression. I couldn't even go a whole school day without going to the bathroom to just cry. I didn't even want to go to school anymore. I didn't want to go anywhere, for that matter. I didn't want to see me friends, as I felt that they'd betrayed me. All I wanted to do was lay in bed. I was absolutely crushed, totally deflated. I was miserable. I was absolutely livid at (girl). The only thing that kept me alive from January to May was music, and the same sad songs played on a loop for all of those long, dreadful months. Taylor Swift, Adele, Shania Twain, Sara Evans, Bruno Mars, and a few others were the only things that really kept me from just curling into a ball and staying there forever. I was pretty ecstatic when I found out that you broke up with her, because it was killing me that she was acting like such a total b**** to you.

This year has been weird. Things have happened with you and (girl b), (girl c), and (girl a), and then people say that you don't like them at all, but you're still flirty and weird with them. Do you just want action? Sometimes I wonder about the motives of guys like you, but somehow I just can't see you doing stuff like that. I don't know...

Your eyes, your hair, your smile, your voice... they get me every time. I would do anything for you, your whole family really. I know that you're the most attractive guy I've ever seen. You're funny too, and you seem like you're really good at science, especially space stuff. Seeing you, being around you, even just thinking about you makes me so happy. It usually makes me sad too, because usually I think about how are feelings aren't really mutual. It hurts, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about how it could be. I think that you're absolutely perfect, and I have wished on countless stars that you would feel the same way about me.

It's good to get all of that off of my chest. I'm glad that after so many years of watching and wishing, you finally know how I really feel. I hope that you'll tell me how you feel, and we can either deal with it together and be together, or put all of it behind us.

I'll never ever forget how much you've affected me these past five years. You're absolutely wonderful, and even though it might not be me, there's a very very lucky girls out there who will eventually be able to call you hers. She'll have the chance to enjoy you kiss, be wrapped up in your arms, and receive all of the love that I never had to courage to ask for myself.

With lots of love,

Me