“Most people spend their lives avoiding from the painful, the awkward, the strange and the uncomfortable. Whether it is bravery or insanity that drives some men to revisit their past failures, it is not for the prideful.”
-
Marzipan
“That being said, I find it very prideful of me to include a quote I made up.”
-
Marzipan


Ess Pii

IDENT
1
In a curious state of mind after his ventures at the writer’s workshop, Marzipan returned to school a sophomore, with a new ‘worldly’ sort out outlook after having spent time away from his mother and father for the first time. He felt like an adult; a man, ready to take on the world.
2
However, even newly found self-esteem stands nothing in the way of a chariot of humiliation and awkwardness. It was only about a month into the school year when Marzipan found himself vaguely interested in (i.e. thinking about her before bed) a young lady in his second period geometry class. This lady, affectionately known as Ess Pii by Marzipan, was-
3
{Get out of here, Oppenheimer, this is my story. Marzipan here… Let me tell you a few things about this class I was put into. Alright, so I have a slightly above average math record, so they put me into this honors geometry class after algebra. You’d think I’d be surrounded by the best and brightest of my peers and perhaps some even older. If you thought that, you’re 1.) too hopeful and clearly haven’t read far into this story or 2.) an idiot. You might even be a combination of the two.
4
I had made contact with the ‘other kind’, aka what I used to be aka fresh meat aka freshmen. Ah, the frosh slosh were the lowest of scum on the food chain at Maple Hollow High. They came from everywhere, of all shapes and sizes, all different faces; some smooth as a baby’s bottom and some sporting pedrostaches. What is a pedrostache?
5
You see, there is indeed a time between childhood and adulthood where boys start to become men, but don’t seem to quite get enough of anything. Their muscles aren’t toned, and their faces aren’t fully sculpted yet. In addition to that, they cannot grow a full set of facial hair, so what happens is that Mother Puberty gifts them a preview, a teaser of what a moustache is: a thin lining of hair across the upper lip known as the pedrostache for its predominance among Central American youth.
6
What else was I saying? Freshmen suck. Freshwomen, however… They’re a different story.}
7
The ideal Maple Hollow girl. Her oaky brown mane framed her motherly oval face. Her complexion, tanned every so lightly by the southern sun was just so to keep her visually distinct from the typical orange tinted girls that roamed the bigger cities around Maple Hollow. Quiet and bookish in nature, Marzipan found her innocent and pure.
8
{Just how I liked them… Soft and innocent. Hue hue hue.}

JUST THE TIP
1
It was a blue day, a kind day, when Marzipan’s innards began to bubble and the pasta was officially on the stove.
2
{Alright, so I was in geometry, roight? Roight. First of all, I don’t know why that’s considered a math, I mean, it’s pretty much eyeballing garbage. I’m already a sort of artsy guy, but trying to put numbers to eye estimation stuff… Trash to the highest degree. Anyway, I was taking this test and I was you know, beating it up. Pretty much kicking it in a corner and making it call for help.}
3
Marzipan hadn’t studied for this particular test and at one point, began to cry and was forced to dry the tears off of his paper with his shirt.
4
{Total domination. Alright, so there was this really chiarro question that was giving me too much trouble. I don’t know how, but like, at some point, my pencil got really weak or something, and the lead broke and went flying across the room.}
5
After five consecutive minutes of sitting on a particularly easy question on the test, Marzipan’s frustration reached a peak and he pushed the tip of his pencil with enough force to send the front of the lead across the room and onto the floor.
6
{So, I got up to sharpen my pencil and stuff. Every time I put it in and took it out, I kept getting nothing. I started to get a little PO’ed, but when I put it back in, another pencil smacked mine out of the way. I was going to break some bones, but then I turned and it was this really cute freshman girl. Ess Pii. Ah, Ess Pii; her hair was tied back in a ponytail that fell behind the little orange tee shirt she was wearing. She was looking all shy and stuff, so I, you know, calmed down and stuff. Had that hard face and made her feel like a real lady.}
7
Marzipan’s pores puckered as his body prepared to go into full on sweat. The inside of his body heating up like a covered crock pot, filling to the brim with steam within a few fractions of a second of seeing the young girl’s face.
8
“S-sorry,” he stammered. He nervously motioned towards the sharpener, offering for her to go ahead. She smiled, sharpening her pencil quickly and passing by without much trouble.
9
{“Go ahead, m’lady,” said I. I bravely stepped out of the way and tipped my Yorkie cap in her direction. She gave me a little nervous smile, which I found incredibly adorable, then did her business. Ess Pii looked at her pencil with a fake interest before nodding, maybe even bowing a little to me before moving on.}
10
By the time Marzipan finished sharpening his pencil, the bell had rung, and people were packing up. He looked around the room frantically for Ess Pii. Anything, a word, a note, even a look from her to suggest she had the slightest of an inkling of interest in him.
11
{Yeah, I looked around and she was gone by the time I got back to my seat. She must have been really shy, because I could have asked her out right there, you know.}
12
There was nothing. Fortunately for Marzipan, it stayed that way for a few weeks.

BABY BETA’S FIRST WORDS

Papa Parmesan was becoming increasingly irritated with Marzipan’s academic failures and the heat was on. Without interaction with Ess Pii, the majority of Marzipan’s mental capacity turned to video games. The rest, however was forwarded to school, and luckily for him, it was just enough to get by.

Having tried and failed at studying alone, Marzipan inched away from his ego just enough to take advantage of the help sessions his energetic math teacher so graciously committed too.

{Yeah, so I guess I needed to get my grade up a little bit or something, so I went in there but everyone in that class was a scrub. Like, they were so scrubby they left trails of bubbles on the floor as they scrubbed in their scrub shoes. All freshman. Kill me.}

Marzipan was feeling pretty nervous, because though the room’s population consisted of only five or so people, he was surrounded by younger and ostensibly more diligent students. He sat down just as the teacher and the students burst into laughter. Gripping his things tightly prepared to run out of the room in glorious man-tears, the teacher spoke up.

“Wow, we’ll never let Ess Pii on the road,” remarked the teacher.

Her blonde friend smirked. “Seriously though, when we’re juniors, you’re not driving us to lunch.” Ess Pii, with a small smirk on her reddened face, turns back to see Marzipan standing near the desk behind her, watching the whole affair.

The aged mathematic veteran wiped her eyes. “Oh, Marzipan, glad you could join us. Sit down, sit down!”

{I gave Ess Pii a quick look over. She had her brown hair done back in a ponytail. Normally I didn’t like that, but her bangs framed her face in this way that was like a Picasso. I mean, she wasn’t all messed up looking but… You know what I mean. Her blue and white striped shirt accentuated her youthful curves. Damn. I don’t care if I sound like a pervert, but just by looking at this girl, I got a chubby.

Yeah, so I did some math stuff, or something. After that, though, you know, I approached Ess Pii real casual like and told her, ‘hey’, you know?}

Marzipan wiped his forehead; the natural oils in his pores began to run as sweat pushed them to the surface. His lips became dreadfully dry, with no amount of licking able to sate their perpetual coarseness. As Ess Pii picked up her things, Marzipan gnawed on his tongue, thoughts racing.

{“Can’t be a puss forever.” “Just say something, she’s just a girl.” “Just do it already.” “You’re wasting time.” “On one, then. Three.
Two.
One.
… Alright. I didn’t do it. So what? S***, she’s getting up. Again.
Three.
Two.-}
“Hey, Ess Pii.” The words shot out of his mouth without warning or conscious expression.
She turned to him, her eyes almost popping out of their sockets; cheeks with bright red spots just before the full flush.

“Yes?”

{I was really smooth. The lines slid out of my mouth like sweet greased lightning.}

“Uh, erm. So you come in the mornings often?”

She paused to consider the context of his query. Marzipan stumbled to catch his faux pas. “Wait, no, I meant do you come here, like walk here sometimes? I mean. Yeah?”

Ess Pii smiled.

{I was in.}