It all started on a gloomy Saturday morning, my mom and her boyfriend were supposed to going to Petoskey for a night just to get away. I was excited because I was staying home to watch the house and the animals for them while they were away. They were also letting me have my friend stay over just to hang out, so this doubled my excitement. My mom went shopping with my cousin in the morning and was supposed to get home around noon.

Well noon rolled around and I started to get anxious because she wasn’t home yet. Then an hour passed and she still wasn’t home now I started to get angry because now I thought she wasn’t going to leave. Then finally at two she rolled up and I was still angry because I knew what was coming. “Oh it’s too late for us to leave now; it’ll take us four hours just to get to Petoskey.” I braced myself for the inevitable but it didn’t come, we did the usual “Hello how was it” routine and everything was going fine. Then she went to the living room and asked what was wrong to her boyfriend. He told her “I wanted to leave at nine this morning” and it just trailed off, they said more I just didn’t listen I knew what was coming a fight just like every other one they’ve had I just got tired of listening to them. But it didn’t happen my mom came around the corner with a look of disgust on her face then stormed downstairs. That moment I knew they weren’t leaving. I was hit with immediate anger, I went downstairs and went to my room.

The anger I had felt blossomed into hatred. This isn’t because of one instance, I have the unhealthy ability to swallow anger, sadness, and other negative emotions and now it all came out, I was pushed too far and now it flowed from my body I was so angry tears streamed down my face I just wanted to hit something to release the tension. I felt like I was on fire, years of held back emotions erupted forward I just wanted to scream and let all of it out. After a few minutes I started to calm down and then my mom came into my room and muttered “Im sorry I foiled your plans.” Those simple words reignited my anger, I just wanted to explode and tell her how I felt; just get up and yell for no reason only to release what I was hold back. I didn’t I just bit my tongue and let her leave in silence. I thought to myself “I hope she’s in her room crying right now, I hope she feels awful, I want her to hate herself.” Then it hit me just like my anger previously, but this time it was disgust in myself, I wasn’t Ryan anymore I was a monster. I wished ill upon the only person who had ever been there for me. In an instant I had turned around emotionally, going from a white hot rage to feeling no larger than an ant. I was hating myself more and more with the passing moments.

I crept out of my room like a dog that has just been scolded, and just sat on the foot of her bed and just waited. I had never been that angry before and I hated it because I am such a calm person. That entire rampage was just teen impulse I thought things I didn't mean and after all that I find myself believing I’m a better person and hoping that I can have a calmer more positive look on things in the future.