Weeks without seeing you, a smile nor laugh was present. Our talks began to diminish as time went on. Our conversations lasting only 10 minutes which once were five hours. The more I wanted to see you the more difficult it was to find time. It’s not like I didn’t want to see you. Although all the odds were against us, we took a chance. We thought we were strong enough; but in conclusion we were just immature kids too stubborn to listen to others.

10:53 Laying in bed thinking of what we could possibly be doing if we were hanging out. Reminiscing all our happy moments. When we’d video chat late at night, listening to corny songs like “Perfect Two” by Auburn, “'Cause you're the apple to my pie, You're the straw to my berry.” Our talks of our future lives about leaving our dreams for each others happiness, how our children would be studs and extremely funny, the way we’d build an ice-cream bar in our future home, and how the best part of it all would, be able to fall asleep and wake up to one another. As I lay there, the thoughts of what our future would hold with one another filled me with warmth.

A strong vibration sending chills down my spine reading off “ I’ve been thinking ...” Not knowing if I was gonna read a corny quote off of tumblr or if it was something not as flattering. My stomach balling up into a constrictor knot. That gut feeling that just lets one know that somethings wrong. Moments passed, I was still in disbelief, after reading his four page message . “Did that really just happened,” I said to my self. I was fighting back the tears that began to form in the corner of my eye. I knew he was right, what can I say, I knew it was coming sooner or later not that soon but still. I simply thought we were stronger.

The mind plays a funny game, it fools you to believe what you want it to. Although you know your wrong, you fight against it. You become obsessive with the want of being loved that reality is a non factor. After the struggle of being with each other he still gave up on us after all the hardships and waiting, we went through who would’ve known that 2 months of summer would’ve ended it all.

Re reading your message over and over again figuring out the right words to say but still staying strong; the message caused mixed emotions. At the time I thought he was a coward for not even calling to end it. But I know if he would’ve called I would’ve been cold hearted.

I began to ball up as a child does in the winter, my room showing my emotion. A lifeless room with no soul, the lost of hope and happy life style. Tears soaking what once was a pearl colored pillow.

After a couple of days I knew I had to gather my self together. On the bright side summer meant not seeing him allowing me to recover and once again be a strong independent girl. Long hours of working out to blow off the hatred that filled my heart. With every run I felt like I released negative energy, it gave the sense of closure. Not closure from him per say but closure that allowed me to move on. Months passed I regained my confidence, relationships no longer existed in my life. But then it happened I saw his face, not shaved, his bed head hair being placed together by a palm size of gel. His scrawny yet tall athletic figure. The wound that just healed back to normal was now being picked at, he wasn’t even aware of what was occurring. The mixed emotions came back, we first ignored one another. Once the awkward tension diminished, we began to develop a friendship once again. As I realized that he moved on, I decided to move on as well. To my surprise he thought I moved on therefore attempted to move on. We were always difficult, neither one of us could just say “look, I messed up. I never stopped caring for you I just needed time.” Just one phrase could have changed the path we were both slowly walking on.

We were in a pickle, now I was with someone else, someone older, someone more charming and mysterious. Someone who made me feel valued and loved. As time went on I slowly stopped thinking of the past memories. He no longer filled my thoughts, the negative feeling I once had now had slipped through my hand as sand does. All I looked forward to was the future with my new loving sweetheart.

A couple years have passed by but I still find my self thinking of the conversations I had with him, first conversations, first laughs, first smiles. Our first hugs and kisses we shared. The way he put gel on the back of his bed hair. The way he tried to avoid his adorable smile when he was mad. But I am now with someone who didn’t allow summer to destroy us. I’m with someone who cares for me, that would give the world to me if he could. Someone who puts all his effort to see me, makes me smile, and makes me feel wanted. In the end there wasn’t closure per say. The whim to be with him, could be a result of all the pain he caused. Maybe a sweet revenge. Only time can tell, but when you loved someone so deeply; can you just pick off where you left off like nothing happened?