It was actually a few days; I was having a bad day at home. My parents were fighting, I had no choice but to listen to the screaming, apparently everything was my fault, my family was falling apart. Little did I know that, that very evening would be the start of possibly the best thing to ever happen to me.

It was time to go to youth group at my church, it was a blessing and a curse all at once, I got an escape, but I had to hide my feelings, the things that were happening at home, and I couldn’t tell anyone no matter how badly I wanted to. I wish I could tell them, I wish I could show them the pain behind my strong humorous demeanor. But sadly I could not.

I got to church made the same jokes talked to the same people played the same game of basketball that repeated every week. I got on the bus to go home and my best friend at the time Megan came and sat by me. I don’t know how she was the one person out of everyone there that night that could tell I was hurting inside but she spoke, “Travis? Are you ok? You seem upset.” I tried fighting back the tears, but it was no use, they came streaking down my face, years of pain flooding my eyes and spilling onto my cheeks, hot like the embers of a dying fire, burning, I can only imagine what kind of expression my face had been contorted into but I’m sure it wasn’t pretty. But still she looked at me with sympathetic eyes, generally concerned.

I told her releasing gasps in between syllables, “Everyone at my house is at each other’s throats, I come home daily and listen to fighting until I go to bed, my family is falling apart at the seems, and somehow in their eyes I’m to blame for everything.” I said sobbing. She picked up my head by using my chin, looked me in the eyes and said “Travis, you aren’t to blame, they’re just looking for someone else to blame for all of their problems and conveniently you’re there. You are doing what you can, doing your best. They can’t ask anything more than that from you. Hang in there, it will get better eventually. I’m here for you rooting for you and hoping you make it, I care for you. And I know that none of what they say is true.” It looked as though she was going to cry herself.

I said thank you and sat there very closely to her, I didn’t know why at the time but now I know that it was the start of a feeling that would eventually develop into love. I got off the bus when it arrived at my house, and just before exiting she looked at me with a reassuring caring glance, and said “I hope it gets better” I ducked my head out of the van when I heard her call “Travis!, Don’t forget your clothes we start welding in Ag tomorrow.” I smirked said and “ok”.

I got inside and yet again I heard the oh too familiar sound of screaming and yelling, Norman my stepdad was on one of his usual abusive kicks, he decided that since he was mad at my mom that he would hit me for it, he burled up his fist and knocked me back into the wall and smacked me in the face a few times. I locked myself in my room put in my headphones and cranked up Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day. And began to write what could’ve very well been my last note. I began with if you’re reading this; it’s too late to save me, not that anyone would want to. I can’t take the screaming and fighting anymore, so I’m taking the easy way out. You know cuz I’m a quitter and I will never amount to anything in life, just a waste of space “Norman”. To all of my friends I love you, and I pray that you won’t hold this against me. Think of me fondly, goodbye.

After finishing the note I reached to the top of my doorway and grabbed a blood stained razor blade, I pressed it hard against my skin feeling a sharp rush of pain, so soothing, so embracing, I began to cut feeling the cool rush of blood down my arm. Just before I had hit a major artery I looked over to see my welding clothes for Ag class the next day. Peculiar, something about the sight of this had caused me to stop, I put down the razor as thoughts of Megan reassuring me on the church van came rushing back into focus, comforting me, telling me it would all be ok. I put my razor away folded the note and placed it in the top drawer of my dresser, I went to the bathroom, and I began to cry, bandaging my wounds and realizing how close I had come to ending my life, crying for my family, hoping that my tears would some how make things better, cringing in pain as I put peroxide on my wound, but yet the sting of the antiseptic still wasn’t as painful as the emotions running through me.

I fell to sleep quickly once I had returned to my room, probably a mixture of the blood I had lost, the fatigue I felt from crying, and the stress of the day. Sleep, one of the only times I was safe, it was a good time for me, dreaming and living in a perfect world, I had the same dream that I had a normal life as I had every night but this time Megan was there, just quietly by my side, and for some reason it felt right, so I didn’t question it. But then I would eventually have to wake up, and face my demons once more. I awoke and was already running late for school so I threw on the shirt that smelled the least, a pair of jeans, my shoes, shoved my welding clothes into my back pack, and spraying myself down head to toe with cologne.

I made my way through school as normal, talking to my fiends, masking my pain, dreading the fact that eventually I would have to return to the god forsaken prison that I called home. I went to Ag and we dressed into our welding clothes and headed out to the shop I made eye contact with Megan she smiled at me and I smiled back. Our teacher turned on an arc welding unit and told us all to put down our face masks, I was standing with the guys a few girls standing with us, after everyone had covered the teacher sat his welding rod upon the metal table, shooting a burst of sparks flying at us. Everyone jumped, I felt someone clutching my arm, I uncovered despite our teachers instructions to see Megan standing behind me hugging my arm, even though the commotion was over she still held tight. I thought to myself “this feels nice, I don’t know why but I like it” she released her hold on me and a lifted her helmet blushing; I couldn’t help but wonder, Why did she grab me? Out of all the guys in our group why me? Was it intentional? No I thought to myself it was just a coincidence, but something in me kept thinking it wasn’t an accident. My girlfriend at the time was being a b**** and she was messing around behind my back, I couldn’t prove it but I just knew, I tried breaking up with her several times but got guilted back into dating her again.

She was flirting with some of the other guys in our class and Megan must’ve seen that it was upsetting me because she stormed over to her wheeled her around and said sternly “You need to quit being such a hoe, you have a boyfriend over there. Stop doing this to him, he deserves much better. He wants to leave but you won’t let him, if you really loved him you would let him go so he could find happiness somewhere else.” Later on the Ag bus Megan sat by me and said in a concerned tone “Travis, she doesn’t need to hurt you like this; you don’t need to keep feeling guilty and going back to her. You can do and deserve much better. Like….” She stopped abruptly like she was about to say something that she didn’t want me to know. This just added to the thing that had happened in the shop, I moved up and broke up with my girlfriend, I felt so relieved to know that someone else stood behind me it made it so much easier, I was free, and the weight was lifted from my shoulders. I went back to sit with Megan, we sat and joked around it was the first time in over two years that I had actually been happy. We became “besties” that day.

A few nights later we were at church and afterwards we talked and made fun of my best friend Dalton. Then we got on the bus to go home, I don’t know what it was but that night in the back of a dimly lit church van I discovered that Megan was beautiful, How did I not see it before? It was as clear as day to me now. I started flirting with her, to my surprise she responded, we picked and poked at each other, then the bus driver hit a bump and I flew up and landed of her hand, me being my usual cocky self said “Megan! Touching my butt” and she looked away, and even in the dark I could tell she was blushing, she looked back at me and said “that was an accident” and I said “but you can’t tell me you didn’t like it” she said “maybe” what?!? I thought to myself “is she joking or is she serious?” then on the way back from dropping a kid off in the country she laid her head on my shoulder, I slowly laid mine on hers and thought “this is nice” my heart began racing and a happiness washed over me that I had never before experienced in my life. I had butterflies in my stomach, there was just something about it the just felt so right. I got home that night, even though there was fighting and yelling I didn’t get upset, I couldn’t stop thinking about my night on the church bus, couldn’t stop thinking of her, “whets wrong with me? What is this joy I’m feeling? I think I’m in love” was my last thought before going to sleep that night.

Here I am, three years later, in an eight month old relationship with the very same girl I fell for that night. I couldn't be any happier than I am right now.