I am angry at the doctor for lying, for giving us and her, a false sense of safety. Though I feel anger towards the doctor I cannot help but thank him for relieving my pain. Knowing that she was going to go would have torn me apart.
“Mr. Casey will be taking the bus home today.” It was announced over the intercom. I swiveled at the sound of my name. I thought about why there was a sudden change in plans. I quickly turned around and finished loading my bag. I stared out the window on the bus ride home. It was September and fall was here. Green leaves were turning into brown, red, and orange. I realize that its time to go and pick up my belongings. I amble up the aisle to the front of the bus and mumble, “Thank you.” to the driver. I step outside and see the bus leave the other way. It had been a typical school day, boring, long, and lots of homework.
I turn around and start my journey home. It is chilly and I can feel my bones shiver. I can feel the wind blowing on my face and I want to fall asleep, but I keep on going. I walk up the hill to the intersection and look for anybody coming. Nope, so I keep walking. I stroll down the street and cross the road without looking. I was glad to be home. I cut across my yard when suddenly a thought popped back into my head. I wondered why my schedule had been changed and what could have been so important. I pondered on that thought for a while, feeding on each and every possibility, good and bad.
I took those few steps up the stairs to my front door. I turned the knob and pushed it wide open. Immediately I felt warmer. I quickly stepped inside and shut the door. I slipped my shoes off and began my regular routine. I went upstairs to my work room and was about to start working when my parents called me and my brother over. I slowly walked over and sat down on the chair waiting for me. I saw my parents sitting on our couch. Though I had no idea what was about to happen I still felt spooked. At first I double checked everything I had done in the past week searching for something that I had done wrong. My parents never sat side by side on the couch ever before and have not yet since. The look on their faces would give anyone a chill. My brother and I sat paralyzed.
Then the most unexpected thing I could ever think of happened and it took a couple of seconds for me to process it. I thought my parents were lying to me. I thought it was a joke. I speak the truth, when my parents told me my grandmother was gone I thought they were lying. A mere practical joke. A cruel joke it would have been, but it was not and I felt horrible. I felt terrible. I felt awful and I felt lonely. I was in a state of shock, a statue. My body was quiet and my brain had shut down.
My Grandma died of heart failure, otherwise known as a heart attack. She was a seventy-five year old kind and caring mother to seven and grandmother to five. She never ate right, causing her to be overweight. She had arthritis on both of her knees, but did not have surgery on them because she was afraid of the operation. She had gone to a doctor and checked out A-okay, but three weeks later she was gone forever. We already had her birthday party planned out, which was in two weeks at our house. It was going to be huge and it was going to be perfect, but then suddenly there was no party anymore, there was no grandma anymore. Every single one of us understood how awful the situation was and we longed for her to come back. It was too unexpected and overwhelming.
I never thought about my grandma passing away and I was always happy every time she came over or even when we chatted about her. The moment my parents told me she was gone I was flooded with sadness. I denied the fact that I would never see her again. I had seen her no more than nine days ago. We were picking up my dog and decided to have dinner with my uncle and her at this Italian restaurant. It was fun talking and laughing with her. Then suddenly she was gone without good reason.
I think about what happened even now, two years later, and I still am surprised and startled by the fact that she is forever gone. I did not know that it was coming; it is not as if someone told me she was about to be leaving and never coming back again. It was as if somebody had smacked me in the face. Nobody saw it coming. I look back on what happened and I wonder what is in store for me next? Even now from time to time I still think about visiting grandma, but the realistic part of me knows, as well as everybody else does, that that is impossible.