My name is derived from a Latin word meaning “alive.” In Spanish, it literally means “they lived.” One meaning alive. And the other, dead. My name sounds old, so dead makes sense. But it seems elegant and sophisticated. Not lively, but maybe powerful. Or at least I like to think that it does. 

It’s purple. It sounds like that “Blue Velvet” song from the 50s. It’s like old actresses that have passed years ago. They are the only other people I know with my name. It often reminds me of aged parchment. Or the smell of an overused book.

My great-grandmother's name was similar to mine. Viola. My mom liked how the first letter sounded, so I inherited the ‘V.’ I rarely hear about her. But all I know is that she was sweet and smiled often. My mom never knew anyone with my name. Well— maybe one girl from high school. 

People often joke that my parents named me after Julia Roberts’ character in Pretty Woman. My parents felt weird hearing that when I was young. I didn’t understand it then. But it makes me laugh now. Naming a child after a famous call girl.

A lot of people tell me stories of people they knew with my name.  It gets weird. One guy that comes into my work says it was the name of a secretary that used to work for him. He will repeat my name over and over to me, as if I don’t know my own name. Vivian. I think he liked her. 

Once a woman told me about a Vivien that used to visit the bookstore often. But she spelled it with an E. She was a reckless girl. The woman said she almost burned down the place. I’m not sure I believe it. But at least I don’t have the intent of burning bookstores down.

These Vivians always seem memorable. I want to seem that memorable. 

My name comes along with many nicknames. At least I have that. Viv is what I hear most. It used to be only from people I worked with, but that has traveled along. I hear V sometimes, but that’s only from dads who think giving nicknames is ‘cool’ and ‘in.’ I think Ian was a craze for people for about a week. And then they forgot. Vivi is a weird one. It makes me feel like a child.

Sometimes I want a new name. Vivian will never be on one of those keychains you get in Florida on a family vacation. But then I think, that makes it unique. Yes. I like that it is unique. Memorable, as I will make myself be someday.