“I’m not what I’ve done. I’m what I’ve overcome.”-Anonymous

Life always has its ups and downs, some can deal with their past problems in a variety of ways. I, on the other hand, have had problems coping with the hardships in the past. My name is Ethan, I am seventeen years old, and currently fighting a battle with the past burdens weighing on my life. I sometimes wish the past I had faced would just be stripped away from me never to return. When I think of the negativity of the past I imagine it to be a dark cast of clouds, and the sun representing a bright future I can make for myself.

Some think of me as two-faced but I try hard not to make it obvious. I find it quite embarrassing when people notice my personal struggles, feeling as if I’m weighing on their emotions as well, adding to the pain of not only myself but on ones I care about. As I watched before my eyes I was fading, fading from the light, stopping myself from taking on new opportunities furthering me from reaching the goal of happiness. I finally realized it had been enough, now not only was I hurting myself but the others around me were being dragged down with me.

I started off slow, taking each opportunity that came my way, this lead to some good but wasn’t enough to satisfy my growing soul. I came to the realization what my biggest issue had been, it was the fact that I let others gain control over what they wanted from me, rather than myself. This was a silent killer where only I felt the pain.

This was a battle I couldn’t win alone, I could not proceed any further without the help of someone. My first instinct was to turn to a friend, but after some time I realized I was falling into the state in which I came, once again I was falling under the control of others. I decided in a frantic manner to turn to someone I trust, someone who always has my back. My mother was a great choice to ask for guidance on how I can deal with my personal struggles. My mother was a woman of faith and wisdom, one to act as a lighthouse in a sea of darkness. Initially when I brought up the topic to her it felt awkward, as if I wasn't supposed to ask my mother for help, but I tend to forget the love and joy she had offered me throughout my life making it much easier to ask for advice on how I can regain control of my life once more.

After a long hard thought conversation, she agreed to help with my dilemma. At first, we took baby steps, but to my surprise, I noticed a  change within a few weeks. My self-esteem had gone up as well as an increase in my mood making me much more susceptible to change rather than before. I was almost ready to take on the next task life threw at me, but we were far from finished.

We tried multiple other ways to rid the suffocating pain which enclose me, we discussed it and figured out ways I could dispose of the past other than verbally. I took on a new hobby of running, I used it as an outlet to clear my mind of everything. I felt at peace when I ran, I felt as if nothing had ever affected me. What I loved most about running is the sense of power I felt over the weak or the ones who chose not to run to be more particular. This thought of power increased my self-esteem, even more, it made me realize the good I had in life, that there were people who had it much worse than I. I thanked the heavens for my health, and even though my past was disturbing, I still had it better than most. I lived in a loving home with parents who pay attention to what I had to say, I had food on the table every night, I had many necessities only others could dream of having, and this was quite an eye-opener to me considering I haven't thought in that perspective. My health was one thing I constantly thought of from that point on, how could I spread the goodness of myself to others, how could I leave an impact to allow others to do the same as me.

Therefore these steps helped fade away the darkness from my life and took a step into the light of realization and the bright future that came with it. Before I changed my ways of thinking, I thought my situation was hopeless, and I was going to be just another person battling with the burdens of their past, but luckily I was able to overcome that, I was able to face it with maturity and take on the responsibility of thinking of myself before others. I know that may sound selfish but personal health comes over others. I saw the opportunity to change and took it. It’s lasted on me and I still run till this day to further push the bad away.