It has been almost two years since it happened I always thought he was joking when he said he wanted to kill himself he was a nice guy with a big heart that had love and joy for a lot of people except for himself.  It was on a friday when I last saw him last he was helping me with our group project and he seemed perfectly fine he never said anything other than the usual stuff we used to talk about and when when we left school and I said “I would see him monday” he said something unusual for him he sadly said “goodbye”.  He went to a friend of ours birthday party but he got drunk and high what he did there effected his choice that night for the worst. He eventually went home just to get caught by his parents who said that “he will not be able to go to our highschool anymore or be able to attend the camp he had been going to for years” so after the incident he stole his mom's car and drove to the bridge next to our elementary school he stood on it for awhile and he jumped he broke his legs at first and then a car came and hit him. The worst part was he didn’t die immediately he died in the hospital after being declared brain dead; I never understood why he did it and what was the point of doing it now after all this time I am starting to understand why he did so now I wish I could do is understand him and what he was going through that's what I now I take a step into another person's shoes before saying anything because it is important to understand what another person is thinking.  

The following weeks afterwards were depressing  and sad for everyone especially for everyone on the football team because we just lost a family member and the glue that made the football team enjoyable I remember the announcement for all the football player's to meet in the room called the black box, the conversations we had on the way down were grim because we knew what was about to happen all I heard were things like “ he was too young”, “ why didn’t try talking to us” All I thought was that I missed him. After the meeting were all we did was sat in silence the sadness in the room was palpable   and seeing how his parents were sad and barely able to handle the conversation. We all just sat on the field and talked that day talked about the good times we had.

This event affected everyone for the rest of the year and the summer especially, the funeral was a rugh event for the people there he was laying in his coffin lifeless and I didn’t know what to do but to cry and stair for at least 10 minutes until the funeral started the emotions that I was feeling during that time were thoughts dark and unreasonable things like “what if I ended my life to try and join him”but then I started to shake it off not thinking “ that’s not what he wanted for anyone .  I sat next to a friend in silence because we didn’t know what to do but to watch as our friend gets buried into the ground at the age of 16 I left in a fit of rage and so sad because I didn’t understand at the time why he did what he did. But I couldn’t do anything about it witch made me so frustrated with myself and him. I felt so upset knowing that he so close to the school that we grew up in I got so mad about it after the funeral I went home and started slaming my fists into walls not knowing what else to do becauses I was blinded by rage and frustration.  The following thoughts reserged from thefuneral were none that I have ever felt before and never wanted to feel It was the worst time of my life it was hard to even go to class that he was in so I would just sit in the middle of the football field and sit and contemplate if it was “worth living anymore” and I wondered if  “anyone would care of I died and disappeared for good”. We were all grieving and just in denial for all that time that was just the beginning of the process of grieving and try to feel better about the situation. It was a hard time until I had a talk with one of my coaches on the situation and started to feel better about everything and tried to be positive for the following weeks before school ended for the summer all because of one statement that statement was “ he was truly happy with everyone he knew that he has note for everyone” and then he handed me the  note from miles that he wrote before he left that night. it has been almost two years since the death of one of my good friends but instead of being upset for the rest of my life I will always remember the good times that we had and the funny things we did as kids so I will always remember my friend as he was during his best times of his life. His death caused me to relocate and move to battle creek and it has helped me to move on and start a new life essentially but I still visit every once and awhile to talk to him in spirit and to calm my mind when I think about him but I know one thing that he will never be forgotten and he will live on through his actions.