I don't have a boyfriend. And this fact makes me feel cheated. Cheated in the sense that it is such an old clich" that young teenage girls always have boyfriends and go out on dates. Strapping young men arrive at the front door with that "I'm really scared of your father I can't talk to adults" look on their faces and off they hop into their "far-out" cars and drive to the soda shop. Okay, maybe I saw that on an old "Happy Days" episode, but it seems like that's the way things should be. Well, that's not the way they are, not for me anyway. While other girls get all the hot guys, I sit at home watching "Oprah" with an empty carton of ice cream in my hand.

And what am I going to tell my grandchildren when they ask about boyfriend/girlfriend problems? How am I ever going to have grandchildren? I'll probably become one of those old maids who lives with a million cats and shares their food with them. I'll frighten little children and on Halloween the neighborhood kids will make bets to see who can ring my doorbell and get away before the witch lady casts a spell on them. I'll weigh 3,000 pounds and cry as I eat chips and watch Richard Simmons help fat people sweat to the oldies.

I'll live to be over a hundred years old just to live every day as a reminder that all of this happened to me because I was young and boyfriendless. c