sometimes i go to the mall alone. im aware its weird considering everyone my age goes with their bestfriend or boyfriend or any other breathing body on this planet and then some; but i like to watch. to see the mothers and their children and wonder what its like to be so independent but so tied down at the same time. to see the popular girls go in to the pink shop right across from my usual store. to smell the new books and all the smart people reading them or maybe just go outside and replay what memories used to be here.
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when i say watch i feel a little dishonest. when one watches i think the last goal on their checklist is to be noticed but i feel like thats the main objective here. im really actually waiting. maybe some smart girl is waiting too. maybe shell see me and wonder what its like. or maybe even she wont wonder at all because she knows EXACTLY how its like and knows she doesnt have to wait anymore. i feel like the entire afternoon would be spent waiting for eachother to say hello, silent in our game of certified stalker. im scared neither of us would dare.



sometimes i think the room spins too fast for me to catch up and late at night it goes to slow for me to bear. i wonder if all the lonley people feel this way. ill be honest im a horrible writer .....but maybe someone lonley will read this and maybe we can be lonley together untill were not anymore.
this isnt a story this is a plead for help.lets be honest. all summer ive been watching wheel of fortune with my grandmother and waiting for school to start. where i can watch some and wait some for the next eight months. im bound to get lucky.