The other day I was the reading the newspaper. Right on the front page was a list of the ten highest paid celebrities. And right on the top of the list was Michael Jackson, who, as you may or may not know, signed a contract with Sony for one billion dollars, the biggest deal in show-biz history.

One BILLION dollars! Do you know how much money that is? Well, look at it this way: a million dollars is a thousand thousand, and a billion is a thousand million. I can't even comprehend that much money, and it's all going to land in Michael's grubby little paws.

And what does he do to earn this incredible sum? Why, he acts in a couple of movies, makes a couple of vapid albums, dances around and yells "Owww!" at critical times. And what will Mikey-poo do with the princely sum of one billion dollars? Well, maybe his private zoo needs some ungodly endangered species. Or maybe the elephant man's estate is ready to talk turkey now that the stakes are higher. Who knows what weird excuse to waste money the gloved one will come up with now that he has it? While people sleep in gutters and children go hungry, Michael Jackson buys himself a new nose, a mate for Bubbles the chimp, or a pet giraffe.

Hey, Michael makes over a thousand times in two years what President Bush makes in four years of office. And I think George's job is just a little more important than stepping on a sidewalk that lights up and telling us that "Billie Jean is not my lover." Only in America. n