Slowly day by day, my time staying put merges into one. I didn’t even realize how much time had elapsed. Seconds become minutes, then minutes to hours… Soon, the day was over before I knew it. Another day gone, huh… I tell myself. Knowing that I’ve accomplished nothing that day, I fooled around staring blankly at the computer screen. As I listen to the downpour outside of my room, I sit there, with the feeling of the void engulfing me whole. Like being trapped in a cell with nothing to do but to sit and think with no thoughts ever appearing.  As I stare into nothingness, my emptiness starts to grow around me. Suddenly, I suffer the feeling of falling…

A room just as dark, but instead being able to feel my surroundings, I recognize myself with my surroundings. The softness of the mattress was frozen, the blanket around me felt frigid, even the air, with the heater running in the background, felt piercing. I checked the time to realize the sun wasn't even up. I felt quite disconnected from everyone I knew. I never really made any friends that I would always talk to. I’d always just fit in in every group, being someone acceptable yet just as easily replaceable. Now being unable to see anyone, I only felt even more separated from everyone I know. I stepped outside to take a breather from the new experience I would face, watching the leaves fall as the breeze blow across my face.

Oh, I said with a panic, I messed up… Snow falls slowly as I look onto my phone, I check and to say my grades made me lose all hope was an understatement. The air around me starts to get colder as I have never stooped so low. 

“Hey! What's happening!” as my mother rushed into my room, “ explain what have you been doing!”

“I…” as I hold my breath “ can’t explain this one to you…” my eyes wander around my room, unable to look my mother in the face. Fear of all of the outcomes that can occur in my head plays out. Every punishment that I could think of was possible, I prepared for the storm. 

“Look, just finish everything you haven’t done by today, no excuses.” she said calmly,” “ When I come back tonight I will check in on you.” She left my room without another word. I sat on my bed thinking to myself of how doomed I was. I sat still thinking of my mistake and I remembered an old old conversation I had with my mother. Ever since elementary school, my mother and I have set standards for a lot of things. We always come to an agreement on something and nor she or I would break them. While I was in a trance, reminiscing about my past, I waited in my room and watched the walls turn dull. The azure walls felt as if they were changing color. Distraught of what was happening around me I realize the 

“How much did you finish?”

“Everything.”

“Really?”

“... about half.”

“That's better than I expected to be fair”

“How can you say that!”

“I know you like the back of my hand.” as she spoke softly, “You aren’t the type to do everything in one go nor would you do anything early”she sighs, “you finished this-”

“Yea.” I said instinctively

“See,” as she puts up a smile, “you know me just as well as I know you.”

 as I look away, “That's not even true”.

“We’ll continue this topic tomorrow in the afternoon”

“...” I refused to look back. 

“Well then, get to bed so you can rise up early again.”

My mother has told me those words everytime. I’ve never believed those words before and yet there is a sense of nostalgia with it. I laze around until the world became dark. “Nobody is ever up at this time” as I walked outside to look around, no bugs were to be seen, no fireflies were flashing in the air, no noise could even be heard. Even my own steps could echo across the street. The dim street light flickered as they were out of energy. Remembering the starry skies I look up at the dark and watch. I thought back to the times where I sat on the balcony of my home; sitting there alone sometimes. On rare occasions my grandmother would come out and sit with me as we enjoyed the gentle breeze. On nights that were cold and on nights when they were hot, I would always sit there on the concrete looking up and dazzled by the stars. I blinked and the sky looked so dark. Like how our society grows more dull, the sky started to lose its colorful color. They have even changed from what I used to remember. While I sat there talking to myself, in my peripheral view there was a spectacle of light shining all alone… or maybe it was the street light that shines for the homes. I sat on the concrete floor again, but this time like the star. As I stared longer and longer, puddles formed at my feet.

The sky was gray, at least that’s what it felt like to me. Having a window in my room that doesn’t even show me the beautiful sky, makes the sense of isolation only get worse throughout the pandemic. With my work completed and nothing to do, I explored the sea of the internet. Just like others, I found an escape route from my isolation. 

“Want to meet up?”  were words I thought I would never hear again. The last time I was invited somewhere was…never. I cannot remember being asked to hang out in someone's free time. The last time I visited someone was in elementary school, though I wouldn't count that as an actual hangout. Yet my friend, Kelvin, asked me if I wanted to play some pool. Of course, I accepted his invitation and we went together. Arriving at the location, the place was in an area that I’ve never been before. The farthest I’ve ever been from my home was barely 5 blocks away. As we entered the building, the feeling of cool air flowed through my body. There weren’t many people in the building and it was quite quiet as well. 

“So little people” I said calmly.

“Well yea,” he said confidently, “there is no way there are many people coming out nowadays.” He pointed to the clerk and we soon started to play.

“We were here for two hours” I said, “yet it felt so long”

“What are you saying…” as he put his hand on my shoulder, “You sound like you’ve never been out before.”

“...”

“Eh, that does sound like you from what I know of you so far.”

“Well…” I look towards the sun as we walked, “ I felt like going out today too.”

“Well good.” he looked at me with concern, “ you should be taking the time to go outside y’know? I’m going to the diner if you want to grab something to eat.”

“Yea, lets go…” I pause, “together…”

“Man, you really don’t get out, hurry up.”

“Of course”

This was my first time going out spending time with my friend and yet still experiencing something I never experienced before. Going out with a friend to have fun and not due to school. Even going outside when the pandemic started to weather down. I thought that I would only feel more lonely as my days continued, yet I found the sliver of hope of continuing to socialize with people. As we parted, I walked home with a breeze blowing across my face as I smiled to myself thinking about how wonderful my day had been.