You know I hate being a liar. IIt can be a close friend, a boyfriend, my sisters my family, my own parentrs. Hey How are you? they ask and you say Im fine. Im good Im great. Liar my mind goes. you couldn't have anyone find out. you didn't want anyone to know. you didn't want anyone to have to deal with it. So you keep smiling and laughing. How are you? Im fine. how are you ? I'm fine. feeling worse about yourself because you could never Let the truth out. I couldn't say Im not fine. Im not even close to being okay. I want to disappear. You couldn't say that hurting myself makes me feel like i can control something and that it makes the numbness go away. You couldn't say that i have this overbearing sadness that won't leave my body. You couldn't say that there was only one way out and to how close i was to … You couldn't say.

you didn't want them to have to worry about you . you didn't want anyone to have to be around the depressed one. you didn't want to be the one looking for attention. I'm not sure if thats just me or if its this stigma in society that's telling me that is not okay to be anything less than happy.

How are you? your obligated to say Im fine.

but why? why is it that if your not fine your automatically labeled as an attention seeker. Why can't anyone just LISTEN.

Sometimes you don't want the it gets better, or the you know you don't even have it that bad. , suck it up .

BUt when you close your eyes, and you want to listen to what society says or what your mind is telling you. Reach past all the pain, all the sadness and remember a time to where you could say I'm fine and actually mean it. to where you didn't have to worry if someone was talking about you or if anyone could see through your act..

When you closer your eyes, think about a time where you felt comfortable in our own skin, when you didn't want to wake up everyday and disappear.

Be them. BE that. Feel that again. Not because someone tells you to but because you have the strength and the courage to keep going for yourself. Don't let society scare you into thinking that you aren't worth it. That no one cares. That the world is better off without you. because that couldn't be further from the truth. and when they ask How are you, you can say Im not fine but I'm going to make it. So keep going, not just for me not just for the people who love you but for the little girl or the little boy you used to be who believe your worth life too.