“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?” –Lewis Carroll

When the grass seems faded and worn in and when the flight of a robin seems the same as one the day before, it becomes unbearable to wait to see that flash of white out of the corner of my eye. It’s nearly impossible to spot a rabbit that is dressed for tea with the Queen. You may even fall asleep above a bed of daisies if your search is lackadaisical. If your dream is of a world where everything is what it isn’t, however, the rabbit’s hole is never too far away.
All the technology and progress on earth has brought us knowledge – libraries full of knowledge, schools and universities full of knowledge, labs and research facilities all full of knowledge. Sometimes I wish for a world where everything is nonsense, and I’ll be able to create my own knowledge. Being told what is and what isn’t is rather dull on a day when anything seems possible, when you look upon the flowers and hear a song, when madness is accepted. It’s agonizingly tortuous, however, when things appear as they are. How am I supposed to create a world completely different from our own if everything is definite and constant?
Although I have not yet played croquet with the Royal Family, I identify with Alice and her curiosity. The precocious main character of Lewis Carroll’s novel Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland escapes to a world of fantasy and possibility. When I was younger, I watched Alice navigate through Wonderland as she followed the White Rabbit. Gossiping with a garden of flowers still comes to mind as I water the sunflowers in my room or as I pass a clique of forget-me-nots. Sometimes I image shrinking to an undetectable height of three and a half inches to get the feeling of how large our world really is, but other times everything around me seems too small. I’d love to take a few steps and be in Prague or Tokyo. As a little girl, I never had any tea parties. Maybe that’s because I knew my tea parties would never compare to those of the March Hare and the Mad Hatter. Madness in Wonderland is accepted mostly because everyone is mad. The March Hare and the Hatter have their own way of doing things. It may not make sense to anyone else, but they completely understand their insanity. I think Alice’s story is still my favorite after all these years because craziness is normal in Wonderland.
I always wanted to escape to a world of my own where everything is of my own creation. More than anything I wanted to escape from the world, to run away from everyone. Now I don’t want to hide in Wonderland. I dream of bringing everyone else to my world. I will change the world. I want to write stories about my world, which includes life in New Jersey and other places. I want madness to be accepted. I will uncover possibilities in the field of genetics. My screenplays will take everyone to another world. I dream of raising children to love. I wish for a world where there is no broken glass on the street. My dreams and ambitions might seem disorganized and chaotic, but whatever I end up pursuing in life will be to change the world.
Someday our world will be what it isn’t. It’s changing right now. Hopefully one day I’ll be able to say I changed it for the better, even if only in a small way.