With or Without you | Teen Ink

With or Without you

June 3, 2008
By Anonymous

If you read this you should open your eyes to my words. I know you supposably love me and it might be true to you. To me it is not. Even though your cowardness doesn't allow you to speak to my face, I still hear you. You put me down for everything I do and
everything I am. But your words of regret for me do not wash away what I have done. I have become this and I can not and will not erase myself. I will prove your words wrong. You say and insist you want to help me. If so you say, by putting me down you aren't giving
me support and help. In truth what you are doing is damaging my love for you. Later on you will realize what I will be and it will be far
too late. Your support will not be needed like it is needed today. You observe everything negative about me.
You happen to not be perfect. Wierd huh? And I am certainly not perfect. I am so tired of being what you want me to be.
All I want to do is be like me.

If by saying my way is wrong you mean your way is right you are in certain puzzlement. If by indicaitng everyhting I do
is negative and all you do is correct. Try again. If you putting me down and making me less you are making yourself superior, it is
understandable. I am not implying I am correct. If what you want me to do dissapoint others it is very clear. I am not mentioning names,
they don't matter, so I am not judging you. I just want to speak out. You have not done well in life at it is expected of you. So why would
it matter what I turn out to be. Why does it matter to you?. It's not like you want me to be like you. In that case I will disapoint myself.
I can do better than that. I know. If your so good at your job, I don't see how. You know everything I am saying is incorrect,.right? Well
then it shall be. But don't expect me to take your ****. My akward and "informal" ways might be what you dissaprove of but what
others will thrive for. Time will come and so will your regret. What happened to "it will change" and "it's just a phase"??

Those days are over. Now dark and understandment will be combined and something will take it's place... something
different. Something out of my control. I will remain myself and look for my place. You can disaprove and put your head over mine,
do whatever you want. It doesn't matter anymore. Not to me. We can go again with all things we said we will do. We can hold our
breath and continue. But I am not. No I will not. And I know you are not all of it, there is another half. The half that completed my
misjudgement. The half that will never see me for what I am. The half I have never seen. And the half I will not see, even when she
stands before me. You two complete my sadness. My yell for help. My darkness. There is only one light that can squeeze through
the crack in my heart. That light that does not let complete darkness take over. That one light that keeps us relatively close. The light
that is surronded by my pain. My tears. All that light is my hope for things to change between us. But that light is fading. It is going
under...under.

It needs to be rescued. But instead it stays still just looking forr a chance. I am not putting all the blame on you.
I am a big part of the problem. With that I agree. But we know why I am part of this problem that should't exsist. Either way second
chances don't matter.Things won't change. We should just crush this light but we can not. This light bonds us together. With a bond
that is greater than life. I hope these words make a difference. Because all my dreams will come true, with or without you. I will make
this light shine to its brightest point even if it is already reached. I know my words are strong. But this is the way it shall be so it may
open our eyes to see. Both of us know I am crazy. Why deny it?? This is not a game. We can't scribble it out. We need to make it
visible.

We need to be more than this. Oh and im not braking the rules. Then again what are the rules? Have you ever stated them
without demanding them. Think about it. Should I not have rules? I am underprivilaged. You are superior. There isn' much I
can do about this. Unless we do it together. So it is our time now because soon enough it will change. Isn't a life time enough?
So what do you say??


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