I have recently come to a useful conclusion about my weight and eating habits. My desire to be skinny is overpowered by my love of good food, including chocolate.

Now, I'm not obese or fat. I'm just not skinny. Maybe you could call me pudgy or plump. I'm the girl people say would look really good if I lost ten pounds or so.

And I've lost weight before. I've been on diets. In the summer between tenth and eleventh grade I went cold turkey and stopped eating junk food. No candy, ice cream, soda or even pizza all summer. I noticed a change. My stomach was flatter. It didn't stick out. My face got thinner and I didn't worry about having a double chin when I smiled.

But when I went back to school, not eating junk became a lot harder and I fell back into my old habits: eating what I felt like when I felt like it. Which is what I'm still doing now, a year and a half later.

I've tried to diet since that summer. My friend and I devised a system where we could have two treats a week. For her it worked great. I learned that I was better doing all or nothing. Saying no to all sweets wasn't fun, but at least I didn't have to decide if I wanted to waste one of my week's treats on the chocolate cake or wait and have a bag of chips. And did drinking a cup of soda count as one treat or did a full bottle count as one? And what about two chocolate chip cookies eaten at the same time?

All that thinking was too much work for someone like me. So that plan didn't last long, at least for me. Since then I've been trying to avoid thinking about my diet. (I don't do well thinking too much.) I eat more vegetables and fruit, and since that summer I've switched to eating whole wheat bread for my sandwiches, though I don't go as far as ordering whole wheat pizza. Because, come on, if you're eating pizza, who do you think you're kidding when you order whole wheat? It's still not healthy. And in my opinion, if you're already going to be feeling guilty about eating pizza, you might as well enjoy it to the fullest.

A few weeks ago, I came to the ­realization that I liked being able to eat what I want and don't like obsessing over calories and carbs. I'd liked this more than I want to be thin, or slender, or ten pounds lighter. Sure, I'd feel more self-confident if I didn't think that certain shirts made me look pregnant. And yeah, I'd love to wear a bikini and not think about my thighs. But I don't like stressing about everything I put in my mouth.

I'd like to exercise more, but I've stopped beating myself up every time I've meant to go running and decided in the end that I was too busy or too tired or just plain feeling lazy.

Looking at my friends, I see that we come in all shapes and sizes. And I'm sure that no one is entirely happy with the way they look. Everyone wants to change something. So do I, but I'm not going to let that take over my life anymore. So for the time being, I will continue to drink hot chocolate when I'm cold, and I'll never turn down a piece of birthday cake. And as for losing those ten pounds? Maybe I'll try again next year.