In the sixth grade I was bullied, constantly. The kids may not have realized what they were doing and in fact nether did I. It was my first year at a public school and I was terrified. I thought people were my friends but they hated me. People would steal my lunch and hide it from me. They would call me names and leave me out of everything. My teacher knew what was happening because I told him and it happened in front of him. I was terrified to come to school each day and dreaded it. I would fake illness just so I didn't have to go. The worst day was graduation because I had to say something nice. All I wanted to do was yell at them and tell them what they did wrong. Every day I would come home, go to my room, sit down and cry. Every day the same thing, I was so upset and couldn’t understand why, why? The one question that nobody is ever able to answer is the one you always want answered. This is because there is only one person who can ever give you that answer, the person who bullied you.

I was so terrified for the next year because I was afraid that the same thing would happen. I know live in constant fear of my friends turning on me. I can never trust anyone and always am hostile. I'm viewed as week because I'm short. The sad thing is because these people did these things to me I have zero conference and believe I am worthless. They convinced me that there is no point to my existence. They taunted me, teased me and made me feel worthless. They stole my things and still I tried trusting them. Every time I did I was bullied again and again. Now I am depressed, suicidal, and have panic attacks.

People scare me. They judge me before they know me because I have scares and break down in class. If they got the chance to know me then they would realize just why I have these problems. I break down because I'm scared and feel alone. I'm afraid to be alone because of what might happen. These people need to learn not to judge someone by their appearance because they don't know them. Who they are or what makes them who they are. Stop being cruel to people in general but especially to people you know nothing about. You do not want to be the cause of their death because you will go to jail for murder.

You ruin people’s lives. Does that bring you some sort of joy? Do you enjoy killing people? These people never recover. I will forever be tormented by the things done to me and never will be like anyone else. I will have these memories plaguing me every moment of my life. You people will never know conviction, never know what it means to have your life ruined, to feel unwanted and unloved. My life will forever be changed. If I am ever able to trust people again it won’t be for a really long time. People don’t like being around me because I’m weird or strange I act this way to cover up the fear and hurt I always feel. When people are nice to me I feel like there has to be a catch, something must be wrong. I feel like there is no way people could want to be nice to me because I have such deep wounds.

“The knife they threw in my back, the wounds have now since healed, the scars run deep, the recovery a long way off, and there is no light at the end, no peace with revenge, no hope for forgiveness, and I still suffer, no punishment for the torchers, only me and my fear of forgiveness.”

This is representing that the recovery process is long and you can see no end. You want revenge but know it will do no good. You can’t forgive them because of what they did; you can never trust them again. The people are never punished and yet I still suffer and I can never forgive. I can never trust without forgiveness, and without forgiveness I can never move on. I live every day and every day I do I tear that person down from there pillar just that much more. They did not end my existence, they did not stop my heart, my head still thinks, my lungs still breath. I still live, and I am recovering one day at a time.