I couldn’t believe I killed someone last night. I mean I, myself, didn’t kill them. Did I? Well if I did, it was indirectly. Though, a man died nonetheless.

I lie in my bed, tossing and turning, emotionless. Under the warm embrace of my thick, full comforter, the chills over every aspect of my body cause my hair to stick straight up. Staring at my ceiling, replaying the events that happened just a mere hour ago over and over and over until it almost feels like I’m back in my car on East 87th Street. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to remember every detail simply for my own comfort of knowing.

Victoria, who I guess you could call my girlfriend, was in the passenger seat and one of her “long-time friends”, which really means a guy she just met at the club, was in the back. Naturally, the no named fellow had been drinking and was probably the one who was buying the drinks for Vic, who’s only 19. I’m pretty sure of this considering it’s not the first time it’s happened.

No name kept rambling on and on about how he doesn’t believe global warming is actually happening. The sad thing is that if it wasn’t for the fact that I had just met no name, and the fact that he was blitzed, I think I would have enjoyed having a conversation with him. I mean, not many people talk about the scientific opinion of the future of our planet after a glass or two of patron and three jagarbombs.

After twenty minutes of driving, Victoria held her head in her hands, becoming more and more annoyed by an incoherent no name. Though I didn’t mind, listening to him stubble over his opinionated words was better than the crap they play on the radio at this hour. She pulled out a tiny orange bottle from her purse, on the label it read codeine.

“Where did you get that?” I muttered as no name pretentiously babbled on in the back.

“Don’t worry about it. If I give these to him it’ll shut him right up and we’ll both be happy. It’s a win win.” She hissed back.

I’m pretty sure she understood from my facial expression that I wouldn’t be happy by giving this drunk guy prescribed drugs, but I understood from her facial expression that she didn’t care.

She cupped her hand and poured four of the pills into it. She then turned back and faced no name.

“Hey!” she snapped her fingers a couple times. “Hold out your hand for me.”

No name did as he was told. Victoria dropped the pills into his hand. I kept my head forward, I just wanted to get this guy home.

“Swallow those, trust me, you’ll feel a lot better. They taste good too! Go on try em’!” She said almost as if she was cheering him on at a sports game.

I watched in my rearview as he took the pills, then after words made a face as if he just ate a lemon.

Those didn’t taste good at all!” no name exclaimed.

Victoria rolled her eyes. Little by little, the car became quiet. The radio was dim, and the loudest noise was that of us breathing. Victoria rested her head on the window and drifted asleep, her long brown hair fell over her makeup bolded eyes and stuck to her pale glossy lips. When she was sleeping was when she looked most beautiful, but I was more focused on my driving than checking out my girlfriend.

Checking my rearview again, I noticed no name is now lying horizontal in the back seat. I glance at her one last time, then shake Victoria awake.

“Hey, check on him, make sure he hasn’t puked or something all over my seats.” I said.

She lets out a big sigh and reaches for the back.

“Hey dude, wake up.” She says as she shakes his shoulders. A moment passes. “Dude, come on.” I can hear the concern in her voice. She continues to rock no name back a forth.

“Oh my God.” Her voice croaks. “Pull over, pull over, hurry.”

I pull over on the side of the road, luckily I find an empty spot because it’s almost three A.M.
Victoria rushes out of the car and flings open the back door, I quickly do the same. I see her check no name’s pulse, first on his neck, then on his wrist. I stand there staring in absolute misperception, although I know exactly what’s going on.

I can feel the salty sting of sweat rolling down my face despite the fact it’s a mere 27 degrees outside. She lays her head down on his chest to listen for a heartbeat, breathing, any sign in the world that what we both know is happening is not actually happening.

“He’s not breathing, he, he doesn’t have a pulse.” She trips over her own words.

“I’m calling the police.” I take my phone out of my pocket and proceed to dial 911 right before Victoria snatches the phone out of my hand.

“Are you crazy? We can’t call the police, they’ll find out I gave him the pills and I’ll be arrested and thrown in jail!”

“What are you suggesting then? Just leave this guy here on the side of the road?”
I walk away from her, boiling with anger. I kneel down and grasp the back of my hair, taking a couple breaths hoping to calm down.

“Jason, we’re in this together, trust me. Just leave him here and when someone finds him they’ll think that he took the drugs all on his own.”

I looked at her, disgusted that she could be so nonchalant about leaving a man she technically had just killed. Although, I was now too scared to call the police.
“Help me, let’s do this as quick as possible and then go home.” Her voice is almost a whisper now.

My gut says I shouldn’t do this and my brain sure as hell does too. But what other choice do I have? Go to jail? One of my biggest fears is the slammer, not only is it painful and uncomfortable but it’ll ruin my whole future.

I help Vic with the body. We leave it somewhat on the sidewalk, one of his legs hanging a couple inches into the road. She hurries back into the car and motions me to drive. Does she not feel the slightest bit of complete and utter guilt? Just walking back to the car makes my whole body ache.

The drive home is silent even though inside my head I’m screaming. I ask Vic to come back to my place just for the comfort of having another person there, though I’d almost rather have anyone but her by my side right now.
I pull into my complex, park in my usual spot, and head up to my second story studio apartment. Vic straight away undresses into her pajamas and gets right into bed, not saying a word and falling asleep almost instantly. I don’t mind, I can’t even stand to look at her right now.

I get into the bed next to her, though I lay at the furthest distance I possibly can. I blankly stare up at the ceiling and reply everything that just happened like a skipping record.


“So that’s where it ends?” my buddy Nate asks.

“Yeah, I know right, eeriest dream ever.”