[At rise: Saturday evening.  A complete bedroom.  A doggie bed lies on the floor.  A man in his twenties, BRIAN, enters.  A pair of black pants lays draped over the bed.  BRIAN puts the pants on.]

BRIAN
William?  Hey, William?  William!

[WILLIAM, a stately old bloodhound, slowly enters.  He wears a tuxedo vest and bowtie.]

WILLIAM
Yes?

BRIAN
I need you.

WILLIAM
Ah, yes.  I selected the black pants for you, Brian.  Your blue shirt and black shoes should coordinate nicely.

[WILLIAM walks to the closet and nudges open the door.  He pulls a blue button-down shirt off its hanger with his teeth and brings it to BRIAN.  BRIAN puts the shirt on and looks in the mirror.]

BRIAN
Tie?

WILLIAM
Well, is this a formal affair?

BRIAN
We’re just going out for a drink.

WILLIAM
Then the tie is unnecessary.  Really, have you learned nothing all these years?

BRIAN
I was just making sure.  So I look okay?

WILLIAM
You look quite smart.

BRIAN
Thanks, bud.

WILLIAM
Now, don’t forget to comb your hair.  You’re a man now.  Cowlicks are unacceptable.

[BRIAN takes a comb from the top of his dresser and combs his hair in front of the mirror.]

BRIAN
Do you like my hair if I part it like this?  Or is it better if I don’t part it?

WILLIAM
No part.  You parted your hair in high school, and you didn’t exactly score a lot of girls.

BRIAN
Fine, you don’t have to be rude about it.

[BRIAN combs out the part.  WILLIAM sniffs the air.]

WILLIAM
Oh, my…Brian...are you planning on wearing cologne?

BRIAN
Crap, I forgot!

[BRIAN retrieves cologne from the top of his dresser.]

WILLIAM
I hope you don’t plan to use that kind of language around your date.

BRIAN
That was lucky.  Katie would hate it if I smelled bad.  Then I’d have no shot with her at all.

WILLIAM
I see you’re eager to impress this young lady.

BRIAN
So?  Don’t make fun of me, I’m nervous enough already.

WILLIAM
So, you really like this girl?

BRIAN
Oh my god, you’ve gotta see her.  She’s gorgeous.  And she’s funny and smart and she works for a nonprofit.  She’s amazing.  And she finally agreed to go on a date with me.  So I have to smell good.

[BRIAN applies more cologne.  WILLIAM nudges a pair of dress shoes towards BRIAN with his nose.  He rolls a ball of socks towards him as well.]

WILLIAM
Shoes, Brian.  You must wear shoes.  Hippies go barefoot.  If you’re trying to make a good impression, start with shoes.

[BRIAN puts on the socks and shoes.  He stands and WILLIAM looks him over.  He raises his paw and waves it, indicating that BRIAN should turn.  BRIAN turns around for inspection.]

WILLIAM (cont.)
Not too shabby.

BRIAN
(nervous)
I just really hope Katie thinks so.

WILLIAM
So where are you and this Katie character going?

BRIAN
I told you, just out for drinks.

WILLIAM
Which bar?  Not the one in that dodgy neighborhood, I hope?

BRIAN
No, we’re going to the one across from the park.  Good with you?

WILLIAM
I approve.

BRIAN
Great.

[BRIAN answers his beeping phone.]

BRIAN (cont.)
She’s downstairs in the lobby.  Wants me to come down and meet her.

WILLIAM
I think not.

BRIAN

What?

WILLIAM
That’s quite impolite.  She can’t just summon you whenever she feels like it.  Tell her to come up here and ring the bell.  Like a well-mannered lady.

BRIAN
(whines)
What?  Why?

WILLIAM
You heard me.  You’re going nowhere until I see this Katie with my own eyes on your doorstep.  That’s politeness.

BRIAN
What am I supposed to tell her?  Come up to my place so that my dog William can meet you?  Great, that’s always a great icebreaker.

WILLIAM
Either she comes and politely rings the bell, or you’re not going at all.

BRIAN
(groans)
Ugh, fine.  But not a word out of you.

[BRIAN texts a message.  A few moments later, the doorbell rings.  He opens the door and greets KATIE, who cannot be seen.  WILLIAM comes up behind BRIAN and inspects KATIE.  He flicks his tail in approval.  BRIAN and KATIE exit.  WILLIAM shakes his head and lies down in his doggie bed.]

WILLIAM
(sighs)
Kids.

[End.]