Every muscle inside of me groanes and aches as I rolled onto my stomach. As I open my eyes, I see... nothing. My environment is neither black nor white, or any color in between. I can’t find the words to describe...anything. It was like I was looking at a plastic bag, with nothing behind it — if that was possible. Where was I?
I was vaguely aware of a colorless glow resonating throughout the space, tingling the tips of my fingers, but everytime I try to look, the sensation vanished. There is no sound, not even a heartbeat, but my eardrums vibrate to some unheard beat. I am completely surrounded by nothing, and everything all at once. It became apparent that the space was not meant to be described, but rather just was.
My throat is hard and swollen, and it feels entirely too big for my neck. I crane my head up, but the view is no different. I see more nothing. Darkness, blackness or even bandages over my eyes would be easier to explain and rationalize to myself. Instead, I was facing with colors that seemed to not exist, sounds that weren't actually there and sights I could feel.
Trying to stand up, my feet sink into the nothing. It felt like the ground was constantly changing levels and angles and my feet were rising and falling with a high tide. It reminded me of the ellipticals I saw girls using at the gym. I need to leave. I take a step forward, but I crash face forward into the ground, or what I thought was the ground. I clinch my eyes shut, throw my arms out and wait for impact. 1, 2, 3 seconds later and I still haven't stopped falling. I feel my stomach flip over, and my temple buzz. As I open my eyes, I realize I am now upside down.
“I’m…? Where am I?!” I whimper. I have given up all pretenses of strength, no one is here to see me cry anyway. I have no way of describing anything I am experiencing, and that is terrifying. I try to describe colors I have never seen, falling in a circle and sounds I have never heard, and I am completely lost for words.
My eyes begin adjusting to my new perspective, but my brain lags with confusion. Slowly, three tears broke free from my eyes. They flew horizontally off of my eyes into infinity. I pretended to watch the space I thought they should be, even though I couldn’t see anything. My tears were comforting while they were on my face. They were like little people.
“You’re in the above,” A voice coming directly behind me says softly.
“What?”, I must be imagining. There is no one here.
“You are not imagining, you are in the above”, There is no mistaking it, there is the voice again.
“What do you mean, ‘In the above’?” I whip around to face the voice, spinning in a circle. Every time I move, no one is there.
“ You know Carlson, I’m not really sure. It’s just what it has always been called.” There is the voice. It was joking, and spoke like it was talking to an old friend.
“How did I get here?!”
“Easy Chief. You died.”
I pause. I died? What does that mean. I’m not dead, I woke up this morning at 5:30 AM, went to work, had coffee with my girlfriend, and...and what? What did I do after coffee?
“I’m not dead?”, I mean it as a statement, but it comes out muffled. After coffee we planned to drive back to work. I would drop her off at her work, and then I would continue on to mine.
“Yes. You are. Car crash as it seems. Don’t worry, your girlfriend is alright. She’ll move on in about a year, marry twice, develop pancreatic cancer at 54 and eventually die in the Tallahassee Memorial healthcare center,” The voice said calmly.
“What? Who are you, how do you know that?” I remember now, I was pointing to an ice cream truck and ran a stop sign. I collided with 1992 chevrolet. I’m dead.
“Oh, we’ve met several times already. Actually hundreds. If it makes it easier for you, you can call me Marcel.”
“Marcel, I...I just want to go home. Send me home, please?” I was begging at this point.
“I’m sorry, I can’t do that. You’re dead remember? That would raise a lot of questions, you walking out of the morgue and all. You’ll go back, but not as Carlson Claver,”

“What…?”
“Carlson, remember. Think hard, you’ve been here before.”
“Maybe, but...why? Is this heaven?”
“Heaven? So, that is what you call it this time? No, no. You’ve a long way to go before then.”
“What do you mean?”, I pleaded. I need to know what is going on. Why won’t he answer my questions?
“You really don’t remember?”
“I don’t.”
“You must go back, and live another life.”
“Reincarnated?”
“Sort of... We’ll meet again.”
“Again?”
“Yes, you need to live every life. After every life we meet right here, the usual spot. You need to experience every story, every struggle, every being before-”
“Before what?!”
“Before you become one of us,” Marcel spouted ominously.
“Us?”
“Yes, Us.”
“I don’t understand. I’m sorry, this is all happening so fast”
“It’s alright. After you experience all that can be experienced, you’ll join us. You are every person. You will live every life. You have met yourself everyday for all of human history. There is one consciousness.” He pauses as he lets what he said sink in. I still have so many questions. “It is time to be born again.”
“Where do I go then? Who are you?”
“You will go past the above. You can think of us as watchers- always there, but always hidden. Now, It’s time to go back Carlson,” he stated with resolve.
“No, I’m not ready. Just, hold on!” He had to stop. He had to understand!
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, it’s time.”
“Wait!”
“Goodbye Carlson.”

The voice was gone. No sound remained. I looked around, and it felt as if every time I blinked I was clearing away a layer of film. I began to blink more and more, it was like I was viewing the world through an old movie. The kind where you could see the images changing?
Slowly, I could see more. My environment was changing from a colorless abyss to a deep orange-red. I could make out little purple lines running across the edges of my reality. Every time I moved my arms, I could feel the humidity of the air becoming stronger. Soon, it felt like I was swimming. I was surrounded by a watery goop, like syrup.
Everything was getting closer and tighter. I felt my body curly up, how was I going to fit? As if on command, I looked at my arm and blinked. When I opened my eyes, my arm was tiny and my skin was fresh. I was growing smaller and smaller. Wait, was I ever big?
I was sheltered and protected. I could hear a heartbeat, it was steady and rhythmic. Was it mine? I liked the sound of it. This place was nice. I would have to tell….wait….who was I just talking to? Why was I afraid again? How could I be afraid when I was in this warm, small little home?
All of a sudden, I could see the syrupy goop leaving. Everything was getting very, very tight. Too tight. The walls around me were moving and shaking. It felt like I was being suffocated. I was being forced out of my little cozy home!
Why, why did I have to leave my home? I could feel something big grabbing my stomach, pulling me out. Put. Me. Back.
It was cold. It was bright. It was loud. It was dry. I wanted to be put back in my home, and I wanted to be put back now.
“What would you like to call her?” I hear someone say. They were wearing a white and red sack all over their body. Everyone was wearing a second set of saggy skin. Where am I?
“Analise, call her Analise”