Black wings, White heart Chapter 1 | Teen Ink

Black wings, White heart Chapter 1

October 3, 2009
By freedombird GOLD, Staten Island, New York
freedombird GOLD, Staten Island, New York
10 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
your favorite color is the one that looks best on you


I walked alongside the thick fog that led into the forest next to me on my way home.I knew this route like the back of my thin, pale hands.Trees loomed over me cvering the gray sky overhead. I began to humm a soft tune until I stopped short. Something or someone lay on the road before me.I began to trott towards it. There lay a boy just about my age. Pale beautiful skin and a soft expression.... but something else? I gaspd in awe. Thick, black angel like wings spread wide across the narrow road. Bright red blood surrounded one wing. I knelt down to see if he was breathing.I lay my head against his chest.Thankfully, thin, short breaths left his nostrils.Suddenly, his long golden lashes fluttered open. He breathed deeply. He looked lost and confused. I smiled gratefully. The boy sat bolt up. "Where are my friends?!" he asked as he glanced at his surroundings. I looked puzzled. "There are more?" I asked. Without answering my question, he attempted to stand up but roughly bumped right back to the solid earth. I had suddenly noticed that the boy had not answered my question. Instead, i replaced it with another. "What is your name?" i asked. "Casper." he answered quickly. After a few moments he seemed to have calmed down a bit. "What's yours?" He asked. "Mallory, my name is Mallory." i answered awkwardly. Casper began to stand up. He was successful.He spread his wings wide. A painful expression spread across his face. He held onto the bloody wing i had noticed earlier and tumbled to the ground once more. He chuckled to himself. "I had almost forgotten about this little incident" he said."Are you alright?!" I asked worryingly.Casper nodded."Nothing Aroe can't fix."He assumed.I was confused now. "Who is Aroe?" I asked. "He is my friend..." Casper answered calmly. "Is he....like you?" i asked trying not to offend Casper. "The wings and all? Yeah." he aswered cheerfully. Although there is also Melrose, she is a bit on the darker side of us. She doesn't have the whole angel-like wings." He said. "well what kinds of wings does she have?" i asked. "She has big black bat wings. pretty cool huh?" he asked.the pain on his face seemed to clear up now. He shrugged. "they'll find me soon. he answered calmly. "How do you know?" I asked. "What is this? 20 questions?" he asked getting annoyed. "Sorry..." i apologized. I looked around remembering the creepy but well known by me setting. "should'nt we get out of here?" i begged. Casper shrugged. "Sure, but can we get a bite to eat first? I'm starving." he answered.I smiled. "of course we can!" i answered happily.


The author's comments:
this is just chapter one so dont freak out if you think it's a pretty bad ending!

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This article has 19 comments.


Jess2525 said...
on Nov. 11 2011 at 1:41 pm
Jess2525, Briscoe, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments
This was amazing, I thought it was extremely creative and I love the whole angle vibe. So awesome! :)

on Jun. 10 2011 at 11:05 pm
BreakingInside BRONZE, Pinson, Alabama
4 articles 0 photos 29 comments
awsomes cant wait to read more!!!:) please read the story i have now and the one coming soon it would meen alot.:)

on Apr. 5 2011 at 6:39 am
Valhalla-is-calling GOLD, Waterboro, Maine
13 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No parent should have to bury their own child." -Theodin

WOW! GREAT STORY! it makes me want more! when's the next one coming out???

on Dec. 18 2010 at 1:20 pm
Shrien PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York
23 articles 7 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When one door closes, another one opens"

This is my fave so far!

I love these type of stories!

Puh Lease right more ! (:


on Nov. 24 2010 at 3:32 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
You think that erin hunter and j.k. rowling are good authors? Come on! Get out there and read some real fantasy. Haven't you ever heard of anne mccaffrey's pern chronicles, or tamora peirce's tortall legends?

on Nov. 24 2010 at 3:27 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
I think I'd be thrilled with this peice if I actually knew what the heck was going on.

CARMENITA said...
on Jun. 23 2010 at 2:25 pm
CARMENITA, Walnut Creek, California
0 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Make way for the heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through..." said by George and Fred Weasley in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

very good so far , but maybe break apart the dialouge??

on Jun. 21 2010 at 12:54 pm
Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
29 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

it was good i liked it and im glad tht you like my stories I have new ones up now if you want to check them out!

on Mar. 27 2010 at 5:23 pm
spitfire213 SILVER, North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
8 articles 0 photos 55 comments

Favorite Quote:
In the devil's den i may be, so stab my heart and set me free.

You might consider breaking the dialogue into its own paragraph. I found it a little hard to follow. But otherwise great work! very creative!

amachii GOLD said...
on Mar. 26 2010 at 3:54 pm
amachii GOLD, Schenectady, New York
11 articles 0 photos 205 comments

Favorite Quote:
"ganbaranakutemo ee nende!" (It's okay even if you didn't do your best!) -Smileage/Tsunku

me too! my friend and i are done with the whole "team edward team jacob" thing, we're now team FANG! the books rock, and i like the idea of people having wings. very nice article. :)

on Feb. 11 2010 at 7:29 pm
Fireflie BRONZE, Danville, Pennsylvania
4 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and wonder how the heck you did it.

i agree, very max ride(good series though! im not complaining! ;]) this is great, very mysterious and relateable emotionally. the only think i would tweak just a tiny bit is the wording at the very very end. but toher than that i love it! write more! :D

JHale_44 GOLD said...
on Jan. 3 2010 at 6:36 pm
JHale_44 GOLD, Roseville, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is a mystery, and a lot of mysteries dont get sloved.&quot;<br /> <br /> - Ivory Tears

Gosh. Who dosent?

on Jan. 3 2010 at 12:57 pm
freedombird GOLD, Staten Island, New York
10 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
your favorite color is the one that looks best on you

that was my inspiration... love maximum ride...!

JHale_44 GOLD said...
on Dec. 28 2009 at 5:05 pm
JHale_44 GOLD, Roseville, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is a mystery, and a lot of mysteries dont get sloved.&quot;<br /> <br /> - Ivory Tears

Omg! This totally Maximum Ride. IT ROCK!

erika4964 said...
on Dec. 6 2009 at 4:00 am
This is Awesome! It kind of reminds me of the Maximum Ride Series(Which I love!). Please keep wrighting this story I want to know what happens.

on Nov. 8 2009 at 8:20 pm
freedombird GOLD, Staten Island, New York
10 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
your favorite color is the one that looks best on you

yes punctuation is an evil beast lol but i'm not erin hunter or J.K rowling! thnks for the advice though.... im trying to search your stories if you have any but i cant find it......

on Nov. 8 2009 at 8:16 pm
freedombird GOLD, Staten Island, New York
10 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
your favorite color is the one that looks best on you

thanks much!!! i'm writing part 2 soon.... just have to plan it out XD

*Colors* said...
on Oct. 31 2009 at 2:41 pm
I really love this! its so mystical and dark and colorful. it holds emotion and relatable structure. i would like to read more. :) Kudos.

KatrinaC47 said...
on Oct. 27 2009 at 5:16 pm
KatrinaC47, Loma Rica, California
0 articles 0 photos 30 comments
Well, first of all, that's was a fantastice story idea, and I really like it! It had just enough description and everything. In fact, I only have one critique. Punctuation. The evil beast who threatens to destroy our lives, and, more importantly, our writing careers. In my experience, which is limited :P, people take you and your writng more seriously when you edit your work and pay close attention to your punctuation. Oh, and now I'm done criticizing you, I really liked your description of the boy/angel. It was cool!