Stockholm (Shadows of the Night)


I am writing my first book which I am hoping to make into a series of books (Shadows of the Night) and I would really like to know what you guys think about it. The piece of writing below is just a sample from the book in chapter nine when the main character Melody has to make a crucial decision on how she wants her life to be from here on out. It may seem that she has made the wrong choice - that’s only because I haven’t posted the previous chapters. Please be very critical of my work. I am planning on sending it in to get published by the end of September and I want to know that it’s close to perfect – and if you don’t mind could you tell me if you would be interested in reading the entire book. Since this is an actual book I want to know that people would actually buy it if I put it out there and also because I think my friends are biased and might be lying to me. THANKS!!!


Chapter Nine: Light vs. Darkness

I stood there in the middle of darkness and light, the shadows to my back and the light to my front – both sides telling me to choose between the two. How could someone choose between living forever and dying today? Panicking, I looked through my head for a rational way to choose between the two. Surely a game of any-many-miney-moe would not suffice at a time like this. Children’s games like that were meant for choosing between chocolate or vanilla ice-cream – not between whether you would want to live or die.
As I rampaged through my mind I came across the memories of me and Alexandru. The first night we met in the alley - his face was confused while mine was curious. The memory of the first night I snuck out to see him, which incidentally was the first night he held me in his cold, alabaster arms. Our first kiss and the many attempts we had to go through to get there. I thought about earlier that day when I and he spent the evening in Spain – which is why we were all here. How I caught him looking off into Barcelona’s beautiful sunset and he confessed his insecurities to me,

“If I ever loose you…then I want waste another moment in this world. The next second I would rip my heart from the steel cage it’s wrapped in,” Alexandru had said unto me.
“How could I ever live – if I don’t bring my heart with me?” I asked him. Not wanting an answer just speaking metaphorically. Then he brought me into his cold embrace and kissed me as though my lips were the blood he needed after a year of deprivation.

I broke myself from my past and took a step forward knowing that a decision had been made. The faces of the witches before me became cocky as they thought they had won this game of cat and mouse. I snuck a quick peek back at the vampires behind me. Chris was telling Cheyenne to remain still as she thought I was going to betray her. Alexandru stood there a perfect vision of night. His hazel eyes watched me seeming content on the outside, but inside his heart was slowly breaking. I turned my head back around and exhaled softly. My feet took two more necessary steps landing me in front of me Sister Caroline Fuego – leader of the Fuego coven.
She embraced me with a warm smile as I wrapped my arms around her neck – my lips were to her ear, “I do not share your flesh. Nor does your weak blood run through my veins. I would rather walk for an eternity in the dark with the shadows than to live a mortal life with you in your false light. If you ever cross my path after tonight then I will pierce my teeth into your frail skin and drain you dry of every ounce of life that you hold. So I suggest you not to,” I removed my arms from around her and saw her pale white face. I bent down and picked up my dog Hermosa from her feet, “Goodbye Caroline Fuego,” I said before departing the way I came.

I took one step forward just as a witch’s knife fell to my feet. I bent and picked it up, “Thanks. I’ll be sure to use it the day I come and slit every one of your throats,” I threatened. It was not an empty threat. It was filled with promises of a bloody tomorrow.
I took another step forward and the vampires before me all took on an amused expression. A cold hand out reached for me and I took it eagerly. Alexandru pulled me into his cold embrace, “Let’s go home,” I told him looking into his warm hazel brown eyes.
“As you wish,” He whispered to me kissing me softly as he pulled us both into a deeper night
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Stockholm