I walk through the tavern door and I have to stop for a second. Leaning on the door frame as the tide of noise hits my ears like a tsunami. It’s been so long since I’ve walked through those doors and the wave of voices, both present and remembered, is overwhelming.

“You good?” Asami asks, her hand hovering near my arm in case I start to fall. I nod.

“I’m alright, come on.” I head to the back where Gleb and Tiran are already sitting at our table. Asami bounds ahead.

“Gleb!” she squeals wrapping her tiny arms around him, squeezing with all her might.

“Hello, Asi,” he rumbles in his deep baritone, gently returning the hug.

Tiran stands and greets me. “Breya,” He grasps my forearm in his signature greeting. “It’s been too long.”

“Indeed. I-” I take a breath to steady my smile “I needed some time.” He returns my sad smile and we take our seats at the table. The sorrow vanishes as Asami flops dramatically on his lap. He chuckles and kisses her cheek.

“It feels like forever since we’ve all been together,” she says.

Gleb agrees softly and they continue in a conversation.

My mind wanders around the room. Across the hall, a group of five sits around a table laughing, telling stories, drinking too much. Then, it’s no longer them but us: Jadea recounting my encounter with a horde of miniature trolls, Asami shamelessly flirting with Tiran, Gleb’s earthshaking laughter.

A barmaid brings drinks over and the memory is interrupted. I nod my thanks and sip the ale. Gleb is telling Asami about his wife and their new baby. “She’s so young but it feels like she knows everything that’s going on.”

“I bet Jadea would have loved her,” Asami says. “Remember when she found that three-legged lamb in the woods?” We had been searching for a goblin nest when she found it. It was too skinny and its fur was matted and gross but she loved it with all her heart. She insisted we set up camp right there so she could take care of it. She cried for an hour when it didn’t make it through the night. A somber silence falls on the table as we remember.

I surprise myself by speaking up. “A toast.” Everyone raises their glasses. “To the ones here today, and the ones we lost on the way.” We drink our ale. “I, I’m sorry I wasn’t there last year. I missed you guys. I just… couldn’t come back so soon.”

“Everyone heals differently Bre,” Tiran says, laying a hand on my arm. “And don’t think our laughter means we are free of pain. It hurts to be here, it hurts to remember. And, I don’t know about you all but I’d rather be laughing about the good times than mourning the end.”

“Me too,” Gleb agrees.

I smile softly at them, then I raise my glass again. “To the good memories!”

“Cheers!”