June 30, 2015
Dear Journal,
My psychologist told me to express and vent my emotions by writing about my life and experiences. It’s supposed to be some new-fangled idea/way to get me to talk about my feelings without actually having to talk. Sometimes I feel like paying for a shrink is unnecessary, I mean I am essentially paying someone to listen to my problems aka a friend, or a mother. Well since I’m paying her I better do what she says because I never let my money go to waste. After my appointment, I had to go to a cookout and act like I gave a crap about the people who were going to be there. So I got myself a drink, nothing much just a glass of Scotch ….. Oh who am I kidding it was more like 2 maybe 3 glasses. Don’t get me wrong, these people were normal except they were really boring and being a little tipsy just brings a little more excitement into their lives.
When I got there, everyone had found their own little social gathering, I swear it was like high school, little cliques forming up everywhere so I locked myself in the car and dozed off for 30 minutes or so before going to meet all these people who were so painstakingly ordinary and boring it hurt me to imagine that they were actual human beings. I wanted to shake them and yell at them to go do something dangerous and spectacular, something for which they would be remembered. The doctors crowded around the grill, the investors were at the bar and the women on the patio. At this point I want to strangle my agent for setting this up.
After shaking hands and discussing literature, politics and the economy with men in khakis who tried so hard to look relaxed, I took a break and waltzed to the oak tree and hid behind it only to find someone there, as I turned away to walk back to the cookout she scooted over as a gesture for me to join in. I could see she was reading my book “Heaven’s Inferno” and she commented about the irony in the title. We sat there for 2 hours discussing my book and she never talked about the author. My agent texted and said it was time to make a speech thanking these people and getting them to talk about me more and invest in the movie for the book. I got up said it has been a pleasure, made my speech and made my way back to the tree, only she wasn’t there.
I got home and now I’m writing in this thing but I don’t know her name yet she is in my head maybe I’ll see her again.

                          Well see you tomorrow